We Are The Sum Of All Our Damage
by Mercy
Summary: Set in S7 Chosen, how it should have ended for Buffy and Spike, and where they go from here
1. Past Damage

Title: We Are The Sum Of All Our Damage  
  
Author: Mercy  
  
Disclaimers: I own nothing they belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy; I just borrow them on occasion. If only Josh would rent them out for functions or special occasions then I would be a VERY happy little vegemite !!!!!(Aussie for a very happy little girl)  
  
Thanks: For Danielle who suggested I write something a little saucy, 'cuz I should', well here it is and I hope you like it!! Also importantly my two Beta Readers:  
  
Kirsty, for telling me to just do it!!! For just reading it because I asked her to do it, then Beta reading it twice because of email problems!!! You're a champion!!!  
  
Rebecca, for putting up with me taking my time, and dumping everything just to do it!! You are a legend!!  
  
Summary: Set in Chosen just after Spike spots Angel with Buffy, and he has the Amulet, just before that Spuffy moment, this is my take on what should have happened for Spuffy fans, it will continue post Chosen outside of canon.  
  
Rating: R  
  
**Chapter One**  
  
*Past Damage *  
  
After seeing Angel, Buffy felt her emotions rage in conflict within herself, one of old love and past memories of him, battling internally with feelings of heat, desire, lust, and passion for another. She sat in the kitchen next to Dawn, attempting to eat something that resembled dinner, which she'd cooked earlier in the day, she found herself pondering on her meeting with Angel. Perhaps it was time to put old feelings to rest, to allow herself to move forward beyond the battle that was coming with The First, and permit herself a future. But her thoughts always can back, no matter what she was thinking about, to the same thing or in her case the same person.  
  
Spike. William The Bloody.  
  
It was like a cycle that kept repeating itself, eventually she always ended up back at him. First Angel, Parker (well one night only), then Riley, and ending with Spike. It always ended with him, thinking about him, the mistakes she'd made, the ones he'd made, and the ones they'd made together. The fact that she'd used him for her own needs, that he allowed her to, and that both of them were doing it for the wrong reasons, not the right ones. It come down to the fact that both of them just wanted to feel something, for her it was just to feel alive, for him it was just to feel her around him, to make some kind of connection to her. It was like he was putting his hand out to save her from herself, but she had refused to see it, refused to acknowledge it, and refused to accept it. In the end it had become twisted and defective, allowing it to warp his emotions, distort the truth and unleash the demon within him that he had held back for so long. The demon that was used to getting what it wanted, even if by force, reigning in the man he was trying to become.  
  
She had once said something to the effect that 'death, blood and sex were all the same thing for vamps', but she was beginning to wonder if it applied to her, with her human lovers things had been just about the sex, but with her vamp lovers there had been something else. With Angel it had been all the trimmings of first love mushiness, and with Spike it had been the need to feel something in her non existence, that had been last year. But she knew that it was being with him that allowed her to feel what she needed, he never asked for anything, he just gave whatever she asked from him.  
  
She was the bringer of death to his kind, stopped the flow of blood from their victims by staking them, and had repeated marathon sex with one of them. So in one way or another she had encompassed all these things. Death, blood and sex. It all came together, entwined simultaneously to bring her to the point she was now, and still gravitating her towards what she knew to be true.  
  
She still wanted Spike despite everything that had happened last year, her using him as an instrument to make her feel something, cumulating in the attempted rape in her bathroom, and finally to him getting a soul for her. Despite all this she understood both of their attitudes in these situations, and the degree of responsibility they both had to share for all of it. Yet she also had seen him change so much over the last few years, from the vicious psychotic vampire that he was, to the warrior that had began to fight by her side today. Buffy knew deep down that it was because he loved her that he had changed, not like Angel had changed because his soul had given him a conscious, and had forced him to give up his dark desires to torture the innocent.  
  
He had done it for her. All for her.  
  
"Hello, Buffy to earth. Earth to Buffy. Come in Space Cadet Summers!" Dawn yelled at her sister, waving her hand in front of her sisters face trying to break the trance that had her sister captive.  
  
"Hey", Buffy gaze broke from the fork in front off her and brought her back to reality with a thud.  
  
"What gives sis?" Dawn asked of her sister, wondering what was going on in that head of hers. Some thing important if she read her sister right, maybe a plan to beat the living hell out of something, or feeding Andrew to the First, if Dawn had her way.  
  
"Nothing, just thinking."  
  
"Nothing must be important, you were totally out of it!!" Dawn commenting on her sisters lack of being on the same planet as the rest of them.  
  
"You know, decisions, decisions. What's for dinner, what am I gonna wear on my big date with the First. You know little details like that have to meticulously worked out."  
  
"Yeah sure Buffy! Come on what where you thinking about?"  
  
"Dawn mind your own business okay", the look from Buffy towards her would have caused the next apocalypse itself with stare she shot at her sister.  
  
"Okay, okay, well aren't you 'Miss Knickers in a Twist'", Dawn retaliated back.  
  
"Where on earth did you hear that one?"  
  
"What?", Dawn crossed her arms in self-defence.  
  
"Miss Knickers or other?", Buffy inquired of her sister, "Hang on let me guess?"  
  
"Leave him out of it!"  
  
"So Spike again, talk about butchering the Queens English instead of half of Europe!!", Buffy observed, "But then again he already did that!", getting out of her chair, moving towards the door that lead to the basement.  
  
"What ..??", Dawn got out of her chair, and walked towards the basement door and stood in front of it as if to guard its entry, "Buffy!"  
  
"Dawn!"  
  
"Please don't break his heart again, it'll kill him!", Dawn moved towards her sister, putting her hand over the basement door.  
  
"This is coming from you, who threatened to burn him alive in his sleep if he ever threatened to hurt me again?" Buffy questioned her sister who had an apparent change of heart about the vampire.  
  
"Yeah well, I think that he's proven himself over the last few months don't you? I mean from raving loony to champion of the people, what a change? And funnily enough he's still just mad enough to be in love with you?" Dawn said tightening her grip on the door handle.  
  
"I know Dawn, if anyone knows that it's me.", Buffy's hand went over her sisters and gently removed it from the door handle, "And I'm going to do something I should have done along time ago. Just keep the army out of the basement please Dawn!"  
  
"Yes General Buffy, Sir!!" , Dawn took a step back from the door, raising her hand as to gesture that Buffy open the door and go right in.  
  
Buffy moved a step closer to the basement door and put her hand on the handle and twisted the knob. Taking a deep breathe, and mustering all the strength that she could, she took a step forward in the stair well of the basement. The light from above shadowed the staircase, illuminating her path, down to the bowels of the house, and into the shadows...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Staring into the amulet that Buffy had given him, he studied its shape, textures and reflection of colors emanating from it. Even in the shadows of the basement it reflected light, casting colors into every direction of the room, as if giving off its own light show. It felt warm to touch, burning even sometimes, showing some of its true power from its crystal icy exterior, making him hold it from its chain half the time. Strangely no one else had felt the warmth, maybe it was just made for him, as if eons ago someone knew it would come to be his one day. Maybe just maybe, he had become that champion, which Buffy had claimed him to be.  
  
He needed to hear that from her just now, he needed anything she was willing to offer. Her support for him over the last few months had saved him from the madness that had penetrated and poisoned his mind. She believed in him and it was paying off, he had begun down this path of change for her, but in the end he realized that he'd done it for himself. She'd been his crutch and now it was time to get on his own two feet and walk the path by himself, as much as he didn't want to do it alone, maybe he had too.  
  
Seeing her with Angel had just pulled at all his insecurities, that he wasn't good enough for her, maybe he was still beneath her, maybe....  
  
'Bleedin soul'  
  
He felt the pull of it on his consciousness, he never had let it dwell on anything he'd down in the past, he couldn't change what had happened only move forward with the soul, as it was now such a fundamental part of him. He had realized that without it he wouldn't be where he was now. But still at times it stung, especially in his dreams, or more to the point his nightmares, where the incidents like that in the bathroom just played over and over in his mind. He just had to get past that point and move on, one step at a time, and he felt that he was talking each one in the right direction.  
  
Especially with Buffy, she'd proven she trusted him the nights that they lay in each others arms and just slept. Holding each other, giving each other strength, becoming the others anchors to face the next challenge in the battle, and the ongoing war. This would never have happened if she didn't trust or need him at this pivotal point in time. Buffy had began to realize just what he was becoming and what he could be, maybe he just needed to let himself believe it too.  
  
He'd never forget the moment she'd given him the amulet, and confirmed the role of Champion on him. The look in her eyes, the softening of her face, and the look of 'I have faith in you'. It was just as precious the night she'd asked him to lay beside her in the bed of the house she'd taken over, and returned to him the next night in the basement. It gave him the courage to believe in what he had become, he was more than what he had been, much more, strangely in a way maybe regained a bit more of his humanity, and found a little self respect he'd lost after being chipped.  
  
At least he didn't feel like a cage animal with the soul like he had with the chip, not being able to hunt because of the pain. But choosing not to hunt because of his feelings for Buffy and the soul giving him cause not to, he still didn't understand that one fully but you can't analyze every thing in one day. At least he could understand the ponce a little better, and his loss of appetite for the living, but the thrill of the hunt of the demon kind that was something he'd rediscovered with a sane mind. And it helped with the cause, and put him in good standing with the Slayer, and he couldn't hope with Buffy as a person as well.  
  
But he just couldn't get the bitter taste out of his mouth seeing her lock tongues with his Grand Sire, it just made him want to go and sort the sod out. But he had no claim on Buffy, no say in what she did or with who, but he could feel the demon rage within in, wanting to claim Buffy for himself and mark her his, so the sod knew just who she belonged too. He could remember every time they'd been together the need to rein the demon in from making a 'claim' on her, sometimes just about biting his own arm just to gratify the demon.  
  
The ambiguity of the situation could have been seen by a blind man, just '~what the bloody hell did she expected from me~', Spike couldn't help but wonder about where he fit into her scheme of things, one minute he's the Big Bad fighting by her side, and the next the ponce shows up, and steals the show. The messages that Buffy was sending him were just too confusing, he needed to clarify his role in her life, the battle.....and just his unlife in general.  
  
His gaze broke away from the amulet, as his ears picked up the sounds of foot steps on the basement stairs. The rhythm of the approaching steps was distinct and so familiar too him, he'd burned their echoes in his brain for the last 6 years. It looked like he was about to get his wish, and discover maybe something he hoped he never hear. That it was truly not him that she wanted, that she didn't need him, and she never could truly love him for who he was.  
  
A single shadow descended the stair case, its length distorted by the light coming from the kitchen, with the steps creaking as it descended into the basement. Buffy moved into his line of vision, he dropped the amulet into his hand, as it burned into his skin, he used the physical pain to overwhelm his own emotional pain, hoping that its charring mark would be more painful than the poignant pain he knew was coming.  
  
"Spike, we have to talk"  
  
"I know what you're going to say"  
  
"And just what would that be?" 


	2. Damage Now

****Chapter Two****  
  
Thank You to: Kirsty for me was bothering her yet again, over and over, and especially to read this chapter three times!!! And Beta Read it of course!!  
  
To Rebecca, for Beta reading it again with her busy work schedule, and dropping everything to read it!!  
  
Please note that this is rated R for sexual content if it offends then don't read!!!!  
  
**Damage Now**  
  
The silence between the two stood like a silent sentinel, blocking the path to any type of possible communication between the two. Each thought they knew what the other was thinking, or feeling in any given moment in time, and that was one thing that still stood in the way of any real movement forward in their relationship. But still the silence needed to be cracked, and chipped away, or it would surely be the death of them. It had always been this lack of communication between them that had caused the most damage, the pain that they'd inflicted on each other, had overridden any other type of interaction possible between them.  
  
But the time to break that noiseless clamor was here and now, or it would bury them both.  
  
"Why do you always try to put words in my mouth, Spike?" Buffy was the first to break the silence, that had penetrated the conversation since she'd arrived.  
  
"Words are just that; words" Spike moved his legs off of the cot, that he'd been laying down on, "I always believed that old adage, 'actions speak louder than words', they ring so true with us luv"  
  
"And that's supposed to mean what?"  
  
"You give me the amulet, say I am a Champion in not so many words, sleep with me down here in the dark, but never show any sign of what your truly feeling" he stood up right on his feet, but didn't move from his spot, next to the cot.  
  
"Is that what you need, for me to show you something of what I feel?" Buffy moved towards him in slow steps, really unsure of what to do.  
  
"Yeah, I do. I need to know that you care a little for me" Spike looked at her, the need written on his face.  
  
"I do care, Spike I just don't know what you want from me. I mean haven't the last few nights shown you that I do feel something"  
  
"Hmffft, yeah I get to hold the mighty Slayer in my arms, and she holds me like a cuddly teddy bear, that a kid holds for comfort at night"  
  
Buffy couldn't believe what he was saying, she thought that he understood where she was coming from, those times that they slept together. That she needed to be held, to hold onto him like an anchor, and to be held herself. She needed the safe haven that he could and did provide for her. But obviously he could still be Spike and a little thick in some things, did she have to explain everything. And he said 'actions speak louder than words', they seemed a little lost on him at the present moment.  
  
"My god Spike, are you so slow on the uptake here?" Buffy crossed her arms, she was really getting pissed of with the vamp in front of her. Everything had been good until Angel had shown up, and now Spike had to throw this little tantrum.  
  
Typical of Spike.  
  
"No luv, just trying to make sure that I know where I stand"  
  
"Where you stand Spike is next to me. Next to me in battle, next to me in conflict, next to me in.."Buffy just couldn't say the next words, they were stuck somewhere deep inside her she just didn't know how to say it. And didn't know if she could say it, or was even sure what she wanted to say to him.  
  
"Back to the same old, same nothing, Buffy" the look on his face was pure devastation, he'd hoped that maybe she could, say something, say anything to show that she cared for him, just a little, or just loved him a little. Even if it was just a little, it would be better than nothing. "Nothing, is that what you feel for me?"  
  
"NO"  
  
"Well it sure looks that way, and feels like that"  
  
"No, Spike, no!"  
  
Buffy went to stand in front of him, she needed to reassure him in a way she knew he would respond to. She raised one of his hands and placed it within her own, with her free hand, she placed her finger tips on his shoulder. Slowly like he had once done to her, she ran he fingers down his arm, slowly feeling the skin underneath as it puckered, and shivered into goosebumps in reaction to her touch. Feeling the swell of his biceps, under his t-shirt, the muscles tighten in his forearm, as she travel downward with the brush of her finger tips, until she reached his hand. With this hand, she lifted it up until it reached her lips, where she placed the smallest kiss on the palm, tasting his skin with her tongue, she teased it as she lapped gently at it. His sharp intake of breathe was what she had anticipated, and what shed waited for. She proceeded to swirl her tongue in his palm, looking into his bright light blue eyes, as she did this, looking at his reaction to her actions. He could only stare back into her eyes, the look of desire ragging and burning within them, reflecting the crying out of his soul in bliss, of her touching him like this. This is what he wanted, this is what he needed, and this is what he craved from her.  
  
Her touch.  
  
Buffy moved his hand to her cheek, rubbing it against her face, closing her eyes, lounging in the pleasure it was giving her. His cool hand on her face, giving him reassurance of her need for him. With her hand she moved his down her neck, down to her breast, letting him caress it for just a minute, giving her a moment in memory, of what it was like for him to touch her like this. Remembering what it was like to have him caress her, touching her in those few intimate moments, that weren't a focus of pain, or punishment. Just a moment of feeling. But this time it was different, so different from all the other times, this time there was something else attached. Something that she still didn't want to look at or explore, she just wanted to feel in this moment, here and now.  
  
Spike closed his eyes, and let the memories flood over his being, he never thought that she would ever allow him to touch her like this again. He reveled in that moment, he could feel his nerves burn with the caress she was allowing him. His mind dulled, and he stopped breathing, he wanted this moment to go on forever, he had eternity to remember this, and he wanted to saver every moment of it.  
  
Buffy continued with the co-caress down her abdomen, slowing down to let him feel her muscles tighten, and shiver with the feel of his hand. The slow movement of her diaphragm, as she struggled to remember to breathe. She let his hand go at this point, placing it onto his face, and pulling his face down towards her own. He moved his hand down to around her hip, resting it on her bottom, pulling her closer, squeezing it softly.  
  
He felt her lips, gently brushing, exploring his own, just ever so lightly if as not really there, just touching. Small caresses, barely touching, over and over again, it was like a slow death, agonizing. Breaking their hand hold each placed their free hand around each others head, entwining them in each others hair, pushing each other closer, bringing pressure on the back of each others head. Their mouths opening to the gesture, as they deepened their kiss. Tongues invaded each others mouth, gently exploring the others, as if they had never kissed before. They swirled around each other, diving in between each other, tasting the soft and hard textures of each others mouth. Until at least one of them had to surface, and regrettably one did, to breathe.  
  
Buffy lifted her head, short of breathe, and looked into the eyes of her counterpart. He reflected her need, want and burning desire in his eyes. She remembered all those times, she'd seen them in his eyes, and each time she'd ignored them, or pretending that they weren't there. But the time for pretence was over, and the time for exploring them was not now. Not with the battle with the First so close, but she had to give him something, something to hold onto, something to give him reason to hope.  
  
"I do feel something. I don't know what it is, but it is something. Even if I cannot say it, at least I can show you. You did say actions speak louder than words, so let me show you what I mean"  
  
With that Buffy kissed him again, deeper and longer. Allowing those emotions to penetrate every cell of her being, to move within her kisses and caresses. She moved her hands to his shoulder and back, pulling him in closer, to burn his imprint onto her being and her brain. This time it was different from all those times, and she felt it with every sense that she had. His very essence filled her own, something that she'd never allowed him to do and she felt something that she'd never before.  
  
She truly felt his love for her.  
  
It hit her like lightening that even without the soul, he'd been telling the truth, he had loved her all this time, despite her misgivings, that he couldn't have loved her, because he didn't have a soul. This just drove her on further, fueling her desire for him, giving her the momentum that she needed.  
  
She moved her hands, down from his shoulders and back, running them across his chest, gently massaging his pecs as she went. She could feel his nipples harden in response to her, and his breathe cease all together. She ran them down to his abdomen, feeling the ripples, and ditches of his firm stomach muscles, savoring them as she felt them tighten and contract in time with her caresses. Until she reached his belt, pulling on the leather strap, she moved it back from the buckle, pulling the strap back, and loosening the buckle, until it released the leather within.  
  
Buffy gently withdrew the t-shirt from its' confines of his jeans, pulling upwards until it went over his head, and he was devoid of it. She couldn't help but just look at his sleek, tight, firm body, remembering the times that she'd had the chance to just look at him, and she couldn't remember one moment or second that she had just done just that. Just admire him for the physical perfection that he was. She'd been to busy bruising his pale skin, making it bleed and marking him with her nails. She moved her hands gently over his torso, feeling it through the t-shirt was nothing like it felt now. It was cool to touch, as she remembered, but strangely enough it had some warmth to it, it was only minor, but he was definitely hotter than room temperature.  
  
Spike never in his wildest dreams, believed that Buffy would ever touch him like this again, he'd thought that he'd killed off any chance for them, to be like this again. Her hands burned into him, leaving a trail on his chest, as she moved her hands down his body. He could see her look at him; really look at him like she'd never done before. She was seeing ~him~, not a play thing, or just a body to fuck.  
  
Buffy kissed him again on the lips, as she continued her exploration of his upper torso, her tongue invading his mouth, darting in and out, not seeking dominance, but acceptance. Spike moved his hands, down her back, feeling her shiver as they descended to her waist band of her pants, removing her shirt, as he pulled his hands back up to facilitate its removal. Leaving her standing in her pants, and bra. He broke away from the kiss, running his hand long her bra line, backwards and forwards, until he stopped at her front clasp. Unhooking it, as he pulled the bra away from her breasts, exposing them to the cool air of the basement. He clasped both in his hand, gently feeling their weight, molding them to his hands, as he gently squeezed them until they peaked.  
  
He lowered his head down, until he placed one of the peaks in his mouth, he slowly suckled it, biting the peak, and gently teased it with his tongue. He continued to gently tease the other with his hand, as he paid attention to the other, until he swapped peaks, giving each gratification as he continued to devour her. Buffy's labored breathing was the only indication that she was transfixed by his administrations, she occasionally inhaled with such sharpness, that she let out a rasping sound that he'd never heard before. He continued his trail down her body, kissing her abdomen with exquisite small butterfly kisses, stopping at her navel, to run and dip his tongue in, like she had with his palm. Until reaching the waistband of her pants, he undid them as he continued diving into her navel. Slowly undoing the zip, pulling it down with his fingers, he could smell her arousal, so fever pitched that it was driving him insane, he had to control the urge just to yank her pants down and dive into her. Her pants fell down of their own accord as the zip gave way, she stood out of them, as she kicked them away. Now on his knees he looked up at her, from his position on the floor.  
  
Placing her hands on his face, she gently motioned for him to stand up before her.  
  
Running her hand down his front again, it was her turn to take pleasure in him. She placed her lips on the top of his collar bone, tracing its prominence with her tongue, licking and tasting the skin below. Tracing it down to the swell of one of his pectorals, until she engulfed his nipple with her mouth, suckling and teasing him, like he had her. Not wasting time, she moved her hand to his jean zipper, lowering it, hearing the metal give way in its wake, freeing him of the tight confines of his jeans. He sprang forth to attention; Buffy ran her hand over and over, the long steel length of him, making him shudder in response to her administrations. He lowered his own jeans of his body, as he didn't want Buffy to stop what she was doing to him.  
  
Moving his own hands to her g-string, he grasped the sides of its bands, and pulled down. Running his hands up the backs of her legs, until he reached her globes of her bottom, he tenderly pulled her forward, so that she touched his whole body, and matched him shoulder to shoulder, breast to breast, and hip to hip. So close that they were in perfect unison.  
  
They both just stared into the eyes of the other, maybe Buffy couldn't say what she wanted to say, but it was there, reflected in her eyes from her very soul.  
  
Spike turned her until her back was to the cot, and guided her to lay down upon its rough wooly surface, of the blanket that lay on it. Once Buffy lay down, he stopped just to admire her, to look upon her and feast on the vision before him. He moved to the end of the cot, and placed his hands on her ankles, lifting them up the cot, moving her thighs apart. Kneeling with on one leg on the cot, he kissed one of her knees, making his way up her thigh, until he reached her inner folds. Separating them with his mouth, he went to play with her, teasing her, nibbling at her until she screamed at the pleasure of it. He continued until he could feel the moisture run out of her like a river, and he felt her inner muscles start to contract around his mouth. His placed two of his fingers on her inner wall, teasing the muscles inside, until she buckled and howled out his name, as she came.  
  
"Spike please!!"  
  
"Please what Buffy?"  
  
"Please Spike, I want you! Please!"  
  
"Where Buffy? Tell me where!"  
  
"Inside, inside of me!"  
  
Moving his way up her body, he covered her own with his, kissing her on the mouth with so much passion, need, heat and desire. His want evident on her stomach, as it twitched and stretched even further in length, tickling her abdomen. Not wanting to wait any longer, she grasped him in her hands, and placed him at her entrance. Putting her hands on his hips, she pushed.  
  
The tip of him glided in with little resistance; its length and width moved smoothly within her, with slow thrusts, he begins his assault upon her being. Buffy arched up in response to his movements, bringing her hips up to meet his, grasping his shoulders to anchor herself to him. Slowly the rhythm changes, to one of longer, deeper, and slow agonizing movements, swirling of each others hips to increase the others pleasure, and satisfaction.  
  
"Oh Buffy!Oh god! So good, so good!"  
  
"Yes, there, there!!"  
  
Each voicing their pleasure, and need for one another, they rediscovered each other, like never before. They were communicating with each other, in ways that words wouldn't allow, expressing their trust for each other, and their acceptance of each other.  
  
They were finally dancing to the right tune.  
  
Spike felt Buffy's inner muscles begin to contract, and tighten, signaling her readiness to complete the crescendo of the dance. Bringing his hand down, he stroked her at her peak, and felt her let go, diving into the abyss that awaited her. Pulling back one more time, he dived into her, allowing himself to let go and join her.  
  
"Oh Bloody Hell"  
  
"Owwwwhhhhhhhhh"  
  
Their joined screams, melting into one another, as they both came with each other, each holding onto the other in a death grip. One not wanting to let the other go, just wanting to stay like this forever.  
  
Spike gently raised himself from on top of Buffy, and retrieved the blanket that had fallen to the floor, covering them both in it. They just lay in each others arm, just looking at each other, both giving the other soft just-after kisses, and simple caresses along each others body.  
  
Enjoying the after glow.  
  
Neither heard the approaching foot steps on the landing, as Dawn approached. She hadn't wanted to disturb the lovers, but Giles was looking for Buffy, and this was the last thing that Dawn wanted Giles to find, especially after the episode with Woods. She saw the two in their embrace, and dreaded breaking the reunion up, but it had to be done. She loudly stomped her feet mimicking foot steps and waited for the two to notice them.  
  
Spike was the first to notice, abruptly pulling away from Buffy, "Bloody Hell, Platelet!"  
  
"Dawn, get the hell out of here" the anger in Buffy's voice was sharp and deadly.  
  
"Hey, I know you two are having a little chat, but Giles is after you Buffy" Dawn tried to explain.  
  
"Bloody Watcher, what does the pilock want now?" Spike retorted, "Hey, he cannot kill me one way, so he tries another"  
  
"Spike!" both girls replied to his outburst.  
  
"Okay Dawn, I'll be up in a minute, ok" Buffy looked at her sister dismissing her.  
  
Dawn quickly retreated back up the stairs, and quietly closed the door behind her. Leaving Buffy and Spike in the basement, looking at each other, a little found, but also, a little lost.  
  
"So what does this mean, Buffy?"  
  
"It means that we have a lot to talk about and a lot to explore. But not now Spike, we have other matters to fix first."  
  
"Yeah, we do have matters to fix up, but."  
  
"Please Spike no buts now. You know that I feel something for you that I never thought I would, ever. But......"  
  
"But, let's just go be heroes for now"  
  
"Yeah, lets just go be heroes for now, and tomorrow, well lets just wait and see, okay" with that Buffy leaned into him and gently placed a kiss on his mouth, full of promises and a future. She reluctantly turned away, and did what she had to do.  
  
She had to be the Slayer for now. 


	3. Author's Notes

*********Authors Note**********  
  
Hey if you got this far than you must be liking the fiction.......so please note  
  
that the next bit contains sexual content. It has been edited from the original story in  
  
respect to ff.net rules!  
  
But please only read if you're of the appropriate age!!  
  
If you wish to read the unedited version it is available on my web site  
  
~~Mercys Illusion~~ as on my Author's Page on ff.net  
  
Thanks  
  
Mercy 


	4. Causing Damage

***Chapter Three***  
  
**Causing Damage**  
  
The battle with The First raged on within the caverns and hallways, above and below the High School. The Hellmouth spewed forth its greatest evil yet, in battle with the Slayer, her friends, and the Potentials. Slaughter and mayhem ruled supreme, as good and evil fought for supremacy of this earth. Each side losing solider after solider in battle, trying to beat the life-force out of each other, each causing as much damage to the other side as possible........  
  
"Buffy", Spike called to her as he felt his soul release its power through the amulet, burning its way out from his being, in the guise of several rays of light. As each ray penetrated through his body it unleashed unyielding power, which sought out and destroyed the undead warriors in the legions of The First. Causing them to burst into flame, then dust, then melt away into nothingness, becoming ashes on the wind, like a great sand storm.  
  
Buffy turned in the chaos that surrounded her, she could only stare at the man before her, as he evolved into the implement of destruction that would turn the tide against The First.. She saw him standing alone in the alcove as the amulet unleashed its power. He battled to stand against the physical pain it caused him.. She attempted to make her way to him, taking down as many undead as she could along the way, that the rays of light had missed and yet to penetrate to dust.  
  
So that he wasn't alone.  
  
"Spike! Oh My God!!" She tried to step as close as she could, but the lights' energy halted any attempt, the heat was just too intense for her. She felt the full throttle of the power that was unleashed from the amulet, and the battle that Spike must be enduring, to sustain such a force of power.  
  
"I can feel it Buffy. I can feel my soul, it's there Buffy. It's really there! It kinda stings though!" Spike tried to express what was happening to her. He could see her attempt to reach him, trying to bring her hand upon him, maybe to reassure him of something. He could hear Faith tell the others to 'get out', and saw the girls run towards him, in an attempt to reach the staircase that lead to a way to safety, behind him.  
  
"Spike"  
  
"Buffy go!" He pleaded with her to go, to get out, to live. "Please just go!"  
  
"No, I can't just leave you here!"  
  
"Go!"  
  
"No, come with me now!"  
  
"I can't....... I have to finish this." Spike felt he knew what he had to do, and he had to do this alone.  
  
"Spike, I need you! It doesn't end here. I NEED YOU!!"  
  
"Buffy please, go!" Spike looked straight at her, "I love you, and you need to live! For them! For me!"  
  
"And I need you! You stupid vampire!!" Buffy pleaded with Spike to end it here and leave with her. The walls of the cavern where collapsing, as the Hellmouth closed over.  
  
"Buffy, go please! I love you!" Spike begged his beloved, but he was getting nowhere fast.  
  
With all the strength that Buffy had left she threw herself at him, as the flames engulfed her body she felt no pain, only the essence of the man she loved. With it finally dawning on her, she held on for dear life, even as Spike tried to throw her off him. Buffy pulled herself tighter onto him with every ounce of strength that she had. She pulled her head back and looked into his eyes.  
  
"Spike you stand next to me, next to me in battle, next to me in conflict, and I forgot to mention, next to me in my life, and next to me in my heart. I love you, you big stupid vampire!!"  
  
With those words, the amulet that lay between then exploded, unleashing an emanating band of light, that penetrated the Slayer and the Vampire, drawing them into oblivion, as it consumed them both........  
  
************************  
  
The yellow bus carried the weary and dying from the battle, all wondering what happened to their leader, friend and sister. It all seemed pointless. She hadn't gotten out. No one could look at Dawn or Giles in the eyes, they all avoided looking at each other, they had won the war, and paid with it in blood.  
  
Blood of the Slayer.  
  
Dawn couldn't suppress the emotions within, her loss and pain erupted forward with her silent tears. She crawled deeply with herself, as her consciousness would allow, grieving the loss of her sister, and her vampire friend. Her family was gone.....her mother, her sister and the man who would have protected them all, putting his life on the life for any of them.  
  
They were all gone.  
  
She couldn't help but just continue to look out the back of the bus at the crater, which was Sunnydale. It looked like a huge meteor had just flattened the town, leaving just a great big dust bowl. The Hellmouth would never open again, it had become the burial plane for the Slayer, in a way it seemed an unfit place for her sister to rest in death.  
  
"Willow," Dawn tried to get her attention, "Willow??"  
  
Willow was tending to the wound Kennedy sustained in battle, defending the witch weakened by the magic she had performed to help them win the fight. Will could hear the sorrow echo in Dawns' voice, and saw the tears that silently ran down her face. Tending her girlfriend for a minute, "I'll be back in a minute", she whispered to her lover.  
  
"Dawnie, I'm sorry sweetie." Willow sat down next to the teen, and embraced what was left of the Summers' family, deep down she had knew this day may come, but she'd ignored it, hoping it would never come to pass. Gently she stroked the girl's hair in a comforting gesture, trying to give reassurance. "I'm here, I'm here, I will always be here for you!"  
  
"Willow, I can't leave her there!"  
  
"Dawnie, she's gone, I cannot feel her life-force."  
  
"God, don't you think I can't feel her too! She's my sister for fucks sake!!"  
  
"Dawn, please sweetie!!"  
  
"I can't leave her there, in that dust bowl! I can't!! She deserves to rest in sacred ground, not scorched earth!"  
  
"Okay, when everything settles we'll go back. We'll find her if we can, okay? Put her to rest in a peaceful place, a proper place and fitting place for her....."  
  
Willow finally noticed that Dawn wasn't paying attention to her, she stopped saying anything. The look on Dawns face said it all. She would never rest until she found her sisters body, and moved it out of the Hellmouth, and to sacred ground. Willow worried, on how she was expected to do it, looking at what was left of Sunnydale; the only thing left was a pile of ashes. The only thing Willow truly wished for was that it had been quick and painless for her friend, and if she was honest enough with herself, that Buffy had found it with her love, so that she hadn't been alone.  
  
That they both hadn't been alone in death. 


	5. Damage Untwined

***Chapter Four***  
  
**Damage Untwines **  
  
Buffy felt the light burn her into oblivion, she was being submerged into someone else's life force, melded for a moment in eternity, into one. Realising that it was both of them being one for that spilt second, it rejoiced in its being, finally realising that it had always existed here, where ever it was, it was real, and it revelled within itself for that second of eternity. Until it was ripped apart, one yet two halves again, singular but forever altered and changed.  
  
Spike felt that same moment with the same intensity as her. He knew it was as it should be, like a promise kept a long time ago, he didn't understand, but he just knew. He was completed just for one minute in time, forever altered, and more than he ever was before. The revealment that the being had felt, finally united with its other half, even if only for a split second.  
  
They both stood in a desert, with the sun beating down on them, the sand that they stood on, blowing up and around them, making them squint. Spike lost in how he could be standing in the sun, and wondering just where in the 'hell' were they? Maybe hell itself, and the worst thought of all, had he dragged Buffy here with him? His thoughts echoed in her mind.  
  
Buffy knew where they where, she recognised it the moment they had arrived, it was the desert of the First Slayer. The place she once came for answers, had finally rejected an offer of immense power, and learnt of how the Slayer line had begun. A place she realised she was more than what she ever should have been. Why here, and why now, she hadn't a clue.......  
  
"We're not in hell Spike, well maybe not hell, hell. But a kinda hell for Slayers."  
  
He could only look at her in bewilderment, he didn't have the faintest idea what she was going on about, he still felt a little lost. She seemed to recognise this place, the open desert plane with the cluster of hills behind them, and she didn't seem at all pleased to be here. It would appear that they had been taken to a place that Buffy didn't want to be. He gently tightened his grip on her, not really caring where they were anymore, they were together. It didn't matter, for just a second; he didn't want it to matter.  
  
"Buffy," he looked at her intense facial expressions, "Luv, we should be dead! So why aren't we, I mean the amulet, the rays of light......"  
  
"I have no idea, and I have no reason why we aren't dead."  
  
"We have to be here for some reason, and if we can come here, we have to be able to get home."  
  
"If home still exists?"  
  
"It does Buffy, you killed the First, and we killed the vamp soldiers. It has too Buffy, or this would all be for nothing?"  
  
"I don't know Spike. I just don't know."  
  
They both just looked out into the desert, not sure what to do, or where to go. Do they stay and let whatever brought them here seek them out, or do they seek it out? There were just too many questions and not enough answers, both were tired and needed to rest. Despite the earlier metaphysical transformation, it hadn't changed their physical wounds, even though Spikes allergy to sunlight had seemed to disappear, his wounds had not. Neither had Buffy's sword wound from the vamp that had attacked her earlier that day, if you could still call it a day.  
  
A cluster of hills stood behind them, and seemed to offer some form of shelter for them. Spike noticed a cave opening. '~How convenient!~' he thought to himself, '~how bloody convenient~', out in the middle of a probable different dimension, and we have a very nicely placed cave behind them.  
  
"Buffy, sweetheart, you need to rest. Look a lovely free cave, conveniently placed for our use. I wounder if they supply room service?"  
  
"I hope that the bed's aren't lumpy or too soft, I could sleep a millennium!"  
  
"Be careful, you may get what you wish for!" Spike warned her, as they cautiously made their way to the foot of the cave, and halted at the entrance.  
  
"Do we dare?" Spike questioned the woman beside him.  
  
"I have no other plans today. Do you? We've had our daily serving of apocalypse, thank you!" Buffy tried to laugh, "I hope the natives are friendly!"  
  
"Yeah so do I!"  
  
They both entered the shelter, venturing into the cave, the way illuminated by flame torches on the wall. It was obvious that they were expected, and were meant to follow the illuminated path, both grabbed the others hand for reassurance. They were on someone else turf now. The path ended in a large cavern, illuminated by large white balls that softly cast its light over the room. They looked like large moth balls, about 70 to 100 centimetres in diameter; its surface ran with ruff ridges, running in all directions over its skin. They were everywhere, in every deep crevice and open space, causing light to be everywhere.  
  
The gentle sound of running water became more apparent, as they walked further into the depths of the cavern, there was a pool of water with a small waterfall, which filled a small corner of the cave. Walking to the pool, Buffy lent down and tasted the water; it tasted slightly metallic, but fresh. Spike tried to stop her, but too little avail as the smell of blood hit his vamp senses, the demon took over demanding to be satisfied, and his stomach protested.  
  
"Well we aint dead, I know that!" Spike senses had directed him to a smaller pool, around a dark crevice, that fell into the shadows cast by the light balls. It was filled with blood, it swirled around and around like a whirlpool. He could feel its warmth from here as its smell enveloped him, as the need to feed overcame him. At least he didn't have to go look for a feed, or ask the only other source for a snack.  
  
"Thoughtful hosts it would appear!" Spike observed.  
  
"Yeah food and water for me, and a continual years supply of haemoglobin for you!" Buffy pointed to a table across the cavern room that was filled with fresh food, and cutlery. "And it would appear that they expect me to cook it too!"  
  
"And we have comfortable sleeping quarters as well." Spike pointed towards an open space that appeared to be carved out of the wall. A massive bed lay behind a white gossamer curtain, it was a mahogany four poster bed with heavy curtains on all four posts, with a central canopy in its centre. A large single mirror was pointed outwards towards them, as Buffy caught their reflection in it.  
  
"Oh My God!" Buffy mouth hung open as she continued to stare at their reflection, she pulled the curtain away at an opening, and moved towards it. Never breaking contact with Spike, as she looked into his eyes through her reflection in the mirror, and within his own. He stood there unsure what to do. She stopped short in front of the mirror, her hand touching the surface, which reflected the image of her lover. She traced his image on the glass, like a caress that you give to a lover, rediscovering all the curves and ditches of their body.  
  
Caught in the moment, Spike lived the caress reflected in the mirror; he could feel her hand run its way along his body. Slow and erotic. Capturing his desire for her, as she moved her fingers along the edge of his image and reflected it back to him in her eyes. He watched her face as he pulled the curtain aside, not content to watch anymore, he wanted to participate.  
  
He slowly moved towards her, brushing his hair back, the look of desire reflecting in his eyes in the mirror. Buffy watched him approach, her own need for him reflecting back to him. He stood behind her, never leaving her gaze, he pulled aside her hair, kissing her neck that lay bare before him, pushing the fabric of her blouse aside he continued his caresses with his mouth. Running his lips along her shoulder blade, he traced it with his tongue, up and down, tasting the saltiness of her skin. Buffy moved her hands back, resting them on his hips, pulling him closer. To feel him closer too her, needing his body to cool her skin, as it burned under his caresses.  
  
He moved his hands under her blouse, feeling her abdominal muscles clench with need, he deliberately and slowly moved them upwards towards her breasts. Gently squeezing them as they lay encased in her bra, pulling them gently to peak, he watched her take a sharp intake of breathe, and slowly let it out in a deep sigh of craving. He released the clasp that held the bra in place, pulling it away from her breasts to free them into his hands. He moved his head from her shoulder to watch her reaction to his administrations, as he continued to apply gentle pressure to her nipples, between his fingers. Both so caught up in their reflection of what lay before them, neither having experienced this deep want and need for another before.  
  
It let them both breathless....with desire.  
  
Buffy's hold on Spike tightened, signally she wanted more. He complied with her wishes, pulling off her blouse, and her bra away from her body, slowly down her arms, throwing it off her completely. Resuming his caress, the reflection sent Buffy into a spiral, the realisation of what was really happening hitting her in a wave of desire, causing her to arch her back. Placing her hands on his, crushing them to create an even greater amount of pressure on her breasts.  
  
It wasn't enough for Spike, he gently pulled one of his hands away from her breast, deliciously moving it down her abdomen, unfastening her pants, sliding down the zip, and moving his hand into place behind the zip. He placed his fingers over her panties, feeling her wetness through the fabric, rubbing her mound, as he felt her shiver with anticipation.  
  
"Please Spike!"  
  
With her request, he moved his hand down the front of her, touching her lips, lubricated with her juices, he played with her body, drawing his fingers in slow circles, up and down, side to side, sending her deeper into her need for him. She placed even greater pressure on his hand that covered her breast, her breath quickening in reaction to his caress.  
  
"Show me what you want!" Spike whispered into her ear, "Guide me in what you want."  
  
Lifting his hand from her breast he took her hand and placed it in his own, between her legs, returning his hand back to her breast when he had done that.  
  
"Look at us, look at what I'm doing to you."  
  
She finally broke eye contact with him and just looked. She saw herself and her lover in one of the most intimate poses she could have ever dreamed. She slowly began to swirl her hips, in keeping with the moment of his fingers, so much that her pants, fell away. Spike, with his other hand removed her panties, to fully expose her to the image that lay before her.  
  
"Kick them off luv."  
  
Her movements unrushed, she kicked them aside in a heap, along with her shoes, not caring except for the feeling of the coil that tightened deep within her. But it wasn't enough, she needed to see him, see him as he saw her. With her only free hand, she began pulling at his clothing behind her, only managing to pull his t-shirt free from his jeans, and unable to loosen the belt that sat on his hips. She whimpered in frustration.  
  
"Soon luv, soon. Ladies first!"  
  
And he did exactly that, he continued until he could fell her inner muscles clench, and spasm with her oncoming release. The look on her face was pure fantasy, not once had he ever seen it on her face. He'd done just about everything to her, had her everyway conceivable, and she'd done just about everything to him, but not once had he ever seen that look.  
  
It was pure heaven.  
  
Caught in the moment, Spike turned her to face him so that he wasn't just looking at a reflection; he wanted to see the reality in her face, not a piece of glass. Taking advantage of this, with quick speed, Buffy ripped Spike's shirt in two. From the collar to the hem, until it lay in a heap on the floor, and reality reared its ugly head. His body was covered in small slits, which went deep into his body. They were starting to heal, but by the looks of things they were still appalling gashes on his body. The realisation that this was why he was in so much pain in the battle, hit Buffy with a smack in the face.  
  
"It's alright. They don't hurt that much."  
  
"But Spike......."  
  
"But nothing. This makes me forget the pain. Seeing you like this makes me forget the pain." Spike was almost begging her, "Make me forget."  
  
He guided her hands to his chest, gliding it down towards the belt that hung on his hips. She began to undo the belt buckle with her fingers, as she leaned into him, and claimed his mouth for her own, careful not to brush his body with her own, in fear of causing him pain. Their kiss was gentle and fulfilling, deep and long. Tongue swept and mated with each other. Exploring each others ridges and tasting each others being. Connecting in a simple and exotic dance.  
  
With the belt undone, she pulled down the zip, freeing his erection from the confines of the jeans that hugged his body. Spiked jerked in reaction, closing his eyes, lost in the feeling of her hand on him. Her hand swept down its length, as far as she could go with the restriction that his jeans which held her back. Wanting to have all of him, Buffy pulled his jeans down, and removed his boots.  
  
Taking him in hand, she resumed her caress, little by little increased her sweeping motions over him, sending him into a spiral of longing. "Follow me." Buffy mouthed to her lover, as she guided him towards the mirror, to stand side on, "Watch." She began kissing him on his chest, nipping gently as she went, gently suckling his nipples, and bathing them with her tongue, as she continued her hand strokes. Until eventually, she continually moved down his chest with kisses, until she found his navel, dipping her tongue in, teasing it with her mouth. This time it was his turn to clench is abdominal muscles. Sending him even further, into the cataclysm of their burning need for each other. Buffy continued her journey down, until she reached his erect length, enveloping it with her mouth.  
  
He watched in the mirror, as she moved and bobbed her head, taking him in and out of her mouth. He was going insane with the pleasure of it, watching her do this to him was sending him over the edge, and he was struggling with his control.  
  
"Oh fuck!" was all he could muster.  
  
Placing soft pressure on her head, he stopped her movements, motioning for her to stop. Moving his hands to her cheeks, he quickly took a breath. "Buffy, stand up."  
  
This time it was his turn to move her in front of the mirror, standing behind her once again. "Move your legs open a little, luv." Buffy instantly complied with his request.  
  
"This time we watch together!"  
  
Arching his back slightly, making Buffy curve forward a little, and reaching forward to stretch her arms onto the mirror for support. Spike took advantage of their position, moved back his hips a little, and slowly inch by inch made his way into the flesh of his beloved. Slow light thrusts of his hips, rippled through to Buffy's inner flesh, sending sensation after sensation of pleasure through her body. Making Buffy return his gentle thrust with her own, the slight slapping of their flesh echoed with in the cave. Their breathing becoming ragged and hard, in time with their joined thrust's against each other. Gentle movements gave way to hard deep motions, sending the couple deeper into the abyss that awaited them.  
  
Words of want, need, desire, and love moved between the two as they vocalized their joined pleasure. The look in each others eyes reflected their words, making this coupling more intimate than it had ever been. They were just beginning to understand this was the way it was meant to be, not like the other times, which had only caused so much damage to each other.  
  
An obsession turning into insanity, and a rebirth into a loss of self.  
  
This edge only made it sweeter, intensifying their shared feelings and need for each other. As they continued to move against each other, they approached the oncoming release and embraced it. All physical pain from battle forgotten, just the joining of two entities in a moment in time, sharing one mind and one (beating) heart.  
  
"Spike", Buffy screamed as she came, unable to hold onto the moment any longer, she felt Spike join her quickly after her own orgasm, as she felt him come, filling her with his essence, she began to ripple harder around him in her second orgasm, that was triggered by Spike's words.  
  
"I do love you Buffy." 


	6. First Damage

Thank You to my Beta Readers Kirsty, Darcy and Rebecca.....Thank You!!!  
  
***Chapter Five***  
  
**First Damage**  
  
Buffy twitched and swiped her nose, some annoying 'thingy' kept brushing the tip, and all she wanted to do was sleep. . It wouldn't relent in its persistence of irritating the crap out of her, she waited for the right moment, and pounced. Grabbing what she thought was an insect, Buffy squashed Spike's fingers, he yelped in agony, as he felt the bones break.  
  
"Bloody hell Slayer! Why'd you have to go do that?"  
  
"Oops!"  
  
"Oops!!" Spike cradled his hand against his chest, as he tried to assess the damage. "Is that all you can say! You've broken my bloody hand!"  
  
"At least it wasn't the nose Spike!" Buffy tried not to laugh too hard at Spike's dilemma, she knew deep down he wanted a little sympathy, and if she knew him right, something else as well. She could break his back, and he'd still want you to go right ahead and climb on top. His hunger was always intense, never satisfied. He was like a child with candy, they always want more!  
  
"You and my bloody nose! God sometimes you'd think I was walking around with a bullseye on it!"  
  
"Hmmmm...Anyway I'm sorry Spike, are you alright? I thought it was a fly or something. I forgot where we were for a moment, I thought we were back...back"  
  
"Home luv?"  
  
"Yeah. Reality sucks!!"  
  
"It has its advantages sometimes though!" Tilting his head towards the mirror with a slight smirk on his face, "Want another round luv?"  
  
"Is that all you think about?"  
  
"As far as you're concerned, sometimes yes!" Spike leant over to her and lightly kissed her on her mouth, "But most of the time lately, no. Things are different now, things have changed Buffy, and so have I."  
  
"If anyone knows that, it's me! Both of us have changed my love, both of us. I think we're more than we were ever meant to be?"  
  
A slight breeze moved through the cavern, disturbing the gossamer curtain that shielded them from the rest of the cave. It fluttered in the wind, slightly parting, drawing their attention to outside of the bedroom. The light emanating from the white moth like balls intensified, and brightened the rooms within. It looked like their wake up call had been delivered.  
  
"Looks like we have to skip the morn'in exercise routine."  
  
Spike stated the obvious, pulling off the covers of the bed, and dressing in his old clothes. Buffy quickly scooted out the other side and drew on her clothing, joining Spike at the edge of the curtain. Parting it, she moved into the main room of the cavern, with Spike a step behind her. Looking around there was no one there, only shadows cast by the two of them and the furniture in the room. The breeze whirled around them, gently whispering around their clothing and hair. Pulling it back into place, Buffy could feel the hair on the back of her neck raise and stand on end, her arms goose bumped as her Slayer instincts cut in. She could feel the presence of something in the room, and whatever it was, it wasn't corporeal yet. Spike looked at Buffy, his vamp senses firing in all directions, he couldn't locate what was in the room, it was all around them, everywhere but nowhere at the same time.  
  
" Bleedin hell Buffy! What is it?" Spike moved as closely as he could to her, ready to protect them from whatever presence was there. The sensation of the entity was creating havoc with his mind, he felt the impending darkness overshadow him. An intense pain filled his mind, incapacitating the vampire, as he fell to his knees; it was more intense than any pain the chip had given him over the years. Buffy went to his aid, trying to stop him from falling to the ground, laying him down gently as she could on the floor. The wind around her picked up with intensity, it swirled wildly around the two, it did not disturb anything else in the room. Buffy felt the bile rise in her throat, as she saw the rising of the presence taking form before her. She tried to shield her lover from the creature in front of her.  
  
The First Slayer.  
  
"Stop your games! NOW!"  
  
"Games Slayer! You play games!" The First Slayer pointed towards the vampire. "You play games with your enemy!"  
  
"What would you know? Who the fuck do you think you are?"  
  
"I am the First. I am the beginning. I am the end."  
  
"No I am the end! The end of the line! I am one but I am many."  
  
"Now who speaks in riddles Slayer." The First Slayer looked unsure of the woman in front of her.  
  
"Riddles are your game, not mine! Mine is to fight, to win and to live"  
  
"Fight, yes! Death is your gift!"  
  
"No death is your gift. You see I finally worked you people out, death is your gift. Death to the Slayer! Death to everyone you have enslaved over the generations, to fight your fight. It's different now. Now I am the Bringer of Death. Now I control the Slayer Line, I am the First Slayer! Not you! I am the beginning now, and I will be the last! I am one, but now I have many. Many generations of Slayers are one, united and they are mine. I am one but I am many!" Buffy spewed her speech forth, from somewhere deep inside her came the words, from where she didn't know, but out they came with such force that the First Slayer retreated, turning to dust that disappeared on the retreating wind.  
  
"We are the Bringers of Death....." The voice of The First echoed off the walls in a whisper.  
  
Turning her attention back to Spike, she gently touched his face trying to rouse him from unconsciousness, his cheek muscle twitched, bounding out of control. His face twisted in agony, even in this state he was experiencing immeasurable pain, and he wasn't responding to her touches. Pulling his head into her lap, she bent her head down upon his, her tears forming and falling down onto his face. She didn't know what to do. For the first time in an eternity, she felt hopeless.  
  
"Let him go!" Buffy screamed at the top of her lungs. Her voice bounced off the walls of the cavern and echoed in the room, it intensified in pitch, and pierced her ears as her words were thrown back at her.  
  
****************************************************************  
  
Resting on the bed in the cave, Spike slowly opened one eye, the pain in his head had somewhat subsided, but had not dissipated. A sleeping Buffy lay by his side, her eyes shadowed by circles of worry, and her forehead tightened in anguish. He felt like someone had scraped out his brain, and scoop by scoop had put it back, and had forgotten to turn off the jackhammer in his head. He tried to move his head a fraction, but it only intensified the pain ricocheting in the base of his skull, and made him even more nauseated than he already felt.  
  
He lifted his hand to her face with all the energy he could muster, brushing aside a stray clump of hair from her face with his hand. A parched voice squeaked out of him.  
  
"Buffy."  
  
Immediately she opened her eyes and sat up, knocking him in the head with her arms flying in all directions. His scream of agony was enough to make her cringe again deep down inside her being.  
  
"Spike, I'm sorry! Are you okay? What happened?" Buffy quietly asked the man that lay in her arms, silently and so still.  
  
"I don't know luv. But I've got a killer of a headache! Wouldn't have an aspirin on you would you?" Spike tried to smile, but his whole face ached in pain.  
  
"No, but I'll try and make it better." Buffy tenderly brushed his temples with light kisses, and soothing brushes of her hands. She lay back down beside him, cradling him in her arms. Trying to relieve some of his pain with just her presence. Spike closed his eyes, he just wished for the pain to go, he felt like he'd done ten rounds with a thousand legions of the First.  
  
"What happened while I was having a little beauty sleep?"  
  
"The First Slayer decided to make her presence known."  
  
"The First? I though we annihilated them?"  
  
"No Spike, The First Slayer....you know girl, with bad hair and teeth, happens to be the first slayer." Buffy tried to explain to Spike the difference, obviously his hearing was being affected, or maybe it was just his usual fuzzy logic brain.  
  
"The First Slayer, here?"  
  
"Wow you really went down for the count!"  
  
"Yeah, feels like someone turned out all the lights with a baseball bat."  
  
"Maybe you should try and sleep. Try to rest, and get your vamp strength back....I mean we haven't had much sleep."  
  
"No pet, you sucked all the energy out of me" Spike tried to make light of the situation, "Buffy could you please get me something to eat, I'm famished."  
  
Buffy complied with his request, leaving the bed, pushing the curtain aside she went to the table which they'd seen earlier, she retrieved a glass with a knife. Making her way to the darkened alcove, she took the glass and half filled it with the dark fluid. Taking the knife to her hand, she skilfully slit a cut to her wrist, she let the blood flow, filling the glass. Returning to him, she offered it to him, he could do nothing but stare at her with a deep gratitude in his eyes as he took the glass, drinking deeply from it until no fluid remained. His words, a silent whisper echoed through the room.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Sleep Spike." Her words resonated though the room, she returned to him on the bed, and closed her eyes. Her mind was not so silent, as it tried to understand her meeting with the First Slayer. None of it made sense, if anything the overwhelming feeling of dread further penetrated her being, petrifying her soul. Her little speech also caused her great concern, she didn't know where that little melody came from, or what it meant yet. The fact that they were here at all still baffled her, they should have died on the Hell Mouth. None of it made sense, none of it at all.  
  
The fact that this was the birthplace of the Slayer Line was enough to have her worried, but then there was the second fact that The First Slayer was here, despite her last visit of wiping out what she called the 'Three Wise Men' . What caused her the most concern was that Spike was here. Full stop Did he yet have a role to play in this? The bigger question as far as he was concerned was what was it? What vital role did he have to play in the scheme of things to come? Watching him as he lay in his quiet slumber, Buffy remembered parts of him from her life before, that had lead them to here and now.  
  
The day he trashed the high school with his minions, and tried to annihilate her in the hallway with his bare hands. The time he came back and took Willow and Xander hostage, so he could get Dru back. Buffy smirked at that memory, running her hand down his hair, feeling it curl under her fingers, it had taken a spell for her to welcome his kiss and embrace, despite them their mutual hate. A sad smile filled Buffy's mouth, as she remembered the last two years, coming back from paradise, only to be reborn into a lost self, lonely and fragmented. Self-inflicting pain upon herself, using him as the instrument to exact punishment, causing so much damage in her wake, to herself and him.  
  
She tried to remember that he'd caused some of the damage, both to her, and to himself. He'd just been doing it for so much longer to himself. His continual feeble attempts to impress her had always backfired in his face. He'd begged her even for a crumb of affection, or what he'd thought was affections, and she'd given it to him last year. That night in the abandoned house had changed everything between them forever, she'd opened the door and let him in. Allowing an obsession to grow into insanity, that had resulted in that incident in the bathroom, as it consumed him, and created the most damage between them.  
  
Even through all their mistakes, and self-inflicted punishments, they had risen above them to this point. Looking at him now, who would have believed that she would have finally accepted him? In a way she was bound to him. The amulet had let her see that, their 'joining' she supposed she could call it, had revealed more of him to her than any other time, she knew all of him, every molecule. He had become more than just the vampire she knew, but could she become whatever she was meant to be now she wasn't the only Slayer?  
  
This weighted heavily in her mind as she closed her eyes, and allowed the relief of slumber to overtake her. 


	7. Lost Damage

***Chapter Six***  
  
**Damage Lost**  
  
Dawn, Willow and Xander stood upon the scorched earth where Sunnydale once stood. All that remained was a large sand pit. The Hell Mouth had sealed over, causing the collapse of the town, destroying everything that had once stood there, Sunnydale had turned into Sunnybowl. Willow had tried every spell she could think of, and every one she could find to try and locate the remains of their friend. She'd even tried to find Spike, with no success, there were just no remains to be found. To Xander's somewhat relief they had found Anya, but why they couldn't find the other two, Willow just had no answers.  
  
"She's gotta be here Willow, she just has to be!" Dawn was inconsolable. "Try again, please!"  
  
"I've tried everything I can think of Dawnie, she's not here, and I done every spell three times. They aren't here." Willow's voice cracked with emotion, she felt totally defeated.  
  
"Could she be like last time, you know, in heaven or something?" Xander asked the Wicca.  
  
"I don't know? Maybe. I need to go do some more research, maybe I missed something...maybe...I could look elsewhere for more powerful stuff?" Willow offered the younger girl.  
  
"No!!" the words from Dawn's mouth came resoundingly through, "I'm not risking you going all 'Evil Willow" on us again!"  
  
"Dawn!" Xander tried to calm down the girl, "You know she wouldn't do that!"  
  
"Thanks Xander for your vote of confidence, but the issues still remain. What happened to them?" Willow softly spoke her friends.  
  
"Willow I don't understand, how come you found Anya, but not Buffy? I mean 'Captain Peroxide' I can understand..like hello he was ummmm...'dead' for want of a better word. But why not her? She was human....wasn't she?" Xander questioned Willow.  
  
"Of course she was human! You are such a...a....." Dawn was just getting more infuriated with Xander.  
  
"Hey Dawnie, only asking! I'm sorry, but it's a question that we need to be sure on, okay?" Xander just kept opening his mouth and shoving his foot further in.  
  
"Xander just shut it!" Willow finally told him to keep quiet.  
  
"Okay, so we can find Anya but not Buffy, there has to be a reason, and we need to find out why. And at this stage I can only think of one person" Willow crossed her arms in a defensive mode. It was clear to all, who it was and none of them relished that person.  
  
Angel.  
  
************************************************  
  
Spike woke with the pain in his head now just resembling a soft thud, it pounded deep within his skull. Running his hand over the bed, he found an empty space, lifting his head, he spotted Buffy gathering water from the pool into a large jug. Turning his head to the other side of the room, he could see that she had been preparing some kind of meal for herself, with more than enough to spare.  
  
"Planning on feeding me luv?" Spike asked Buffy's back.  
  
"No, its first in first served here, mister! No room service!" Buffy comically returned to his earlier joke about wishing for room service, "It's self serve only." Buffy walked over to the table, resting the jug on it, and returned to Spike, lying on the bed next to him. "But for you we have a special offer, one night only."  
  
"Only one night! You disappoint sweet. I would have thought at least all eternity, as my willing slave!" Spike volleyed back to her, pulling her back into a tight embrace.  
  
"Hang on, I thought that was your line?" Buffy gave him a quick kiss on the lips, and broke away from him. Spike's bottom lip dropped as far as it would go, with a 'hurt puppy' look. Getting up she made her way back to the table, pulling out a glass, and holding it up, "You hungry?"  
  
"I thought we had no room service?"  
  
"Spike!" Buffy moved closer to the curtain that separated the room. "Yes or no?"  
  
"Yeah, please! O neg, be nice sweetheart!"  
  
Spike could hear Buffy mumble under her breath, something about 'I'll give you O!' but kept himself quiet. She once again went to the pool around the crevasse, and filled the glass again with the fluid that flowed in it, turning her nose up at the smell, it wasn't bad, but she'd smelt enough of it to last a decade. Wrinkling her nose she returned to him, holding her hand out to give it to him. As he downed the drink, she went about having her own meal, eating at the table provided, as Spike slowly got out of the bed wrapping a sheet around him. He joined her, sitting in the other chair, next to her own.  
  
"Think we should talk?" Spike looked around him, as if looking for electronic bugs, picking at Buffy's food as he went about it.  
  
"Here? I suppose. It would seem that they could come and go as they please, so I reckon that outside would be no different."  
  
"What happened Buffy, while I was out?"  
  
"In five words or less?" Buffy asked with a smile on her face.  
  
"Hummft!?!" Spike coughed at the memory.  
  
"The. First. Slayer. Was. Here." Buffy replied.  
  
"You forgot 'Bitch', but then again that would make six."  
  
"Hmmmmm, what about six words or less then?" Buffy laughed, "The. First. Slayer. Was. Here. Bitch."  
  
"What she want?"  
  
"Something about her being 'the first and the last'?" Buffy recited the First slayers words, "Then I blurted something like I was the Last of the Slayer Line, and I was the beginning' and 'I am one, but now I have many'".  
  
"Okay, sounds good, but what in the hell do you mean?"  
  
"I have absolutely no idea, but I'm sure that's what we're here for." Buffy finished her plate of food, licking her fingers, drying them off on the tablecloth.  
  
"Buffy! Manners! You're mum would be horrified!" Spike laughed at her.  
  
"Yep she would, but she isn't here is she!"  
  
"If she only knew what her little girl was up to these days!" Spike's eyes sparkled in the low light of the room.  
  
"Yeah she would, but could she blame me, with such a specimen of manhood before me!"  
  
"Specimen of manhood!" Spike's laughter echoed in the chamber.  
  
"Well vampire hood then! Whatever!" Buffy poked him in the ribs, much to his slight twinge of pain, "Does it still hurt?"  
  
"No, just a little"  
  
"Good, cause it's time for some physical therapy!" Buffy moved from her chair to sit in front of his, looking at him with desire filling her eyes.  
  
"You're insatiable you know!'  
  
"Always where you're concerned! And you need the exercise!" Buffy said as she ran her hand down his leg. "Okay so now it's exercise?"  
  
***********************************  
  
"Bloody hell Buffy. You're gonna kill me one of these days!" Spike told her, as they came down from their high.  
  
"Hey!" Buffy playfully slapped his chest, "Just making up for lost time!"  
  
"Lost....." Spike was cut off, with the appearance of a light breeze in the cavern.  
  
"Here we go again!" Buffy climbed off Spike, grabbing her chemise and putting it on as quickly as she could, looking worriedly at Spike. Waiting for him to fall to the floor in agony again, she waited and waited.  
  
But nothing happened.  
  
Spike grabbed the sheet that lay around his hips, and pulled it around him the best he could. Watching and waiting like Buffy was, but no blinding pain penetrated his brain, no blackness over shadowed his brain, he stood up from the chair. Looking around the room, he waited for this 'First slayer' to appear, but to no avail, nothing appeared, nothing.  
  
"What do you think luv?"  
  
"I don't know Spike."  
  
The balls began to lighten up, a few even more than the rest, most lay on the outside border of the room, illuminating the walls. The breeze picked up to a wind that whirled in the middle of the cavern, knocking things over in its wake. A bright light emanated from the middle of the room, over shadowing anything that gave out light, it was so bright it was blinding.  
  
What ever it was it wasn't the First Slayer that was for sure.  
  
End of Chapter Six.........more to come......please review....makes me write faster!!!  
  
A/N*** Please note that this chapter has been edited in respect of the rules of ff.net  
  
please don't hesitate to email me if you would like other hosting sites. Mercy *** 


	8. Light Of Damage

***Chapter Seven***  
  
**Light of Damage**  
  
The room filled with such an immense light, that it was blinding for both of them, the warmth and energy that the entity was pouring out, diffusing itself through every cell of their bodies, dead or otherwise. It sizzled along every nerve ending, sending intense tingling sensations down every ganglion, making each cell fire onto the next, stronger with each pulse, until causing an immense feeling of heat along their bodies. It wasn't painful, but it certainly portrayed the capability of the entity, that now inhabited the cavern. It was over in a matter of seconds, but it took longer for the Slayer and vampire to recover, the light had effect their eyesight, temporarily blinding them, with its intensity.  
  
Buffy's sight had become hazy, as if looking through opaque glass. She could see shadows, some depth perception, but nothing too clearly. It was if her iris had been fully opened, and she couldn't focus on what was in front of her. Despite this incapacity, she could make out that the light entity was shifting, changing, and dimming in intensity. For want of a better description, taking on corporeal shape, even if for her, it was a long elongated blob of something, it was shifting its shape and becoming something. 'It' moved out of her sight and deeper into the cavern, moving around to one of the crevasses, hiding out of sight.  
  
Her vision slowly returned to normal, as she was made aware that the light balls had dimmed, to the extent that they let out only a small amount of light. She could barely make out Spike, who stood next to her, still only clad in the sheet, he now had on his game face. He was looking directly in front of them, his gold eyes focused and glaring, his head cocked to the side, as if trying to make sense of what he saw. Buffy could only assume, that due to the low visibility of the room, his vamp sight allowed him to see more than her.  
  
"What's going on?" Buffy sought out Spike, grabbing hold of his arm, trying to find an anchor in this madness. "What do you see?"  
  
"A woman I think?" Spike shook his head, "I'm not exactly sure? I think it was a woman?"  
  
"Did she have the bad hair, teeth, and look 'Slayerish' at all?"  
  
"Nope. No 'Slayer' warning bells going off here." Spike continued to scan the cavern, trying to get another glimpse of the woman/entity, "Come out. Come out, wherever you are!"  
  
"Spike!!" Buffy slapped him on the arm, "Don't play games!"  
  
"Hey! Innocent party here!"  
  
"Then be a good vamp and behave!"  
  
Around them a slight breeze whirled, from the depth of the cavern a single shadow appeared, humanoid in shape, moving directly into their path. They didn't have long to wait for the visitor to make herself known. Before them came what indeed looked like a human female, approximately 5' 9", slim in build, flowing brown straight hair, with eyes of brown encased with a blazing rings of gold. Dressed in a red robe that flowed out in the breeze, it was almost medieval in appearance, gathered at the waist and belling out in the skirt, a corset type top, with long triangular draping sleeves.  
  
"Your lady speaks fine words Vampire!" The words of the woman before them echoed off the cavern walls, blasting a wind through the two that stood before her. They carried the weight of her power within them. "You must learn some patience it would seem."  
  
"Hey look here, whatever you are...." Spike took a step forward, but was stopped by Buffy's arm reaching out and halting his progress. He turned looking at her, seeing the caution written all over her face, he stopped and stood back.  
  
"Okay pleasantries over. Who are you and what do you want?" Buffy asked the woman before them, she was not in the mood for games, she'd had enough of them already with the First Slayer.  
  
"So Slayer, it would appear that patience is something you humans still have yet to learn? Have your kind changed at all?"  
  
"Our kind?" Buffy was slightly confused at the females' line of questioning.  
  
"Human." Spike whispered to her.  
  
"Well I didn't think she was talking about fashion Spike!" Buffy took a few steps forward, looking over the form before her, trying to sum up what stood before her. "Well, do I have to put it in some other words for you? Who are you? What do you want?"  
  
"What do I want?.....................All in good time Slayer. All in good time." the female moved closer, "I am what was, and will be what is."  
  
"Do you come with a thesaurus? Because you're not making much sense, but then again do any of you like making sense?" Buffy asked.  
  
"No luv, they just love keeping us in the dark." Spike moved behind Buffy, guarding her with a wary eye.  
  
"Why with all the riddles? Can't you just spell it out? Plain and simple?" Buffy was getting rather irate.  
  
"Patience!!" the female spoke towards the girl.  
  
"I don't have any!! I just want some answers!" Buffy was on the brink of exploding, and consequences be damned.  
  
"Granted this is a delicate time, I will forgive your behaviour." The woman moved towards the tables and chairs, "Sit and I will tell you what I can. For now at least."  
  
Buffy stood where she was, refusing to budge an inch, she was sick of the games, sick of them playing with her mind. Spike felt her hesitancy, he gingerly gestured with a hand behind her back, to move to the table, "Go on luv" was whispered in such silence that she barely heard it. With some reluctance she moved to one of the chairs and sat, as Spike moved to the bedroom to retrieve some clothes.  
  
The female moved to the opposite side of the table and sat, looking around at the environment that surrounded her. With a hand she picked up and arranged some of the glasses that had fallen over with her arrival, putting them into a neat line. The rings of her eyes blazed in intensity, as they finally rested on Buffy and Spike as he sat down, her gaze was that of a hunter seeking its quarry. It was something similar to what she'd seen inn many a vampire's eye as they sought out their 'Happy Meals on legs', as Spike had once so eloquently put it.  
  
"Who are you?" Buffy finally asked of the woman at the table.  
  
"I am what was, and what will be."  
  
"Not good enough!" Buffy shifted in her chair, "Lets start again. Do you have a name at least?"  
  
"Yes I have a name, but to your kind it is not known, it is unspoken, and silent."  
  
"Not making much sense lady!!" Spike entered the conversation.  
  
"Very well!" The being knocked over a glass with her finger, her irritation obvious to all, "I have been amongst your kind before, I was named 'Gemma', by a child I sought once."  
  
"So we have a name. What about the rest of it?" Buffy asked her.  
  
"The rest?"  
  
"The little line about 'I am what was, and what will be'? Nice little number, but what's that supposed to mean?" Buffy continued.  
  
"I am the beginning now, and I will be the last! I am one, but now I have many." Buffy's voice resinated out of the woman's mouth, each syllable and sound wave identical to her own voice, copied in exact pitch and form, "They mean the same, they are intertwined, they are what we are and what we will be." Gemma's voice speech returned.  
  
"Bloody hell woman! No more fucking riddles!" Spike was lost in the middle of it all.  
  
"I don't get it." Buffy couldn't believe what was happening, it was like being used as a pawn in a game she didn't understand.  
  
"You will Slayer, you will. Our paths are connected and crossed, we are one but we are many. It will be come clearer as time passes, and you find your destiny."  
  
"What path? What bloody destiny? She fulfilled her destiny, she killed the First and stopped all the apocalypses you could put in front of her. What more do you bloody want from her?" Spike piped up, he'd seen Buffy fight her war for seven long hard years, and it wasn't over. Would it ever be over, he wanted more than anything for her, for them, to have some life, if you could call it that.  
  
"To take her rightful place" Gemma looked directly at Buffy.  
  
"As the First Slayer." 


	9. Damaged Race

~~~Spoiler Alert for the end of season four of Angel~~~  
  
Thanks as usual to Kirsty and Darcy two of the world's best Beta Readers, who help  
  
and advice are invaluable.  
  
***Chapter Eight ***  
  
** Damaged Race**  
  
"NO" Buffy screamed, "NEVER!!"  
  
"You don't seem to comprehend what I am saying." Gemma's eyes fired pure gold in anger.  
  
"You don't seem to understand the word no!"  
  
"It isn't what you seem to think it is." Gemma warned the woman before her.  
  
"Do you think that I will let you make me into that thing you call the First Slayer! Let you make me into a 'thing'?" Buffy stood in a classic defence mode.  
  
"I'd like to see her try Buffy!" Spike's voice came from behind her, backing her in any course of action she choose.  
  
"You are The Chosen One! You have exceeded what you were meant to be! You are the First Slayer whether you like it or not!"  
  
"I am not the First Slayer!'  
  
"You are the beginning now, and the last! You are one, but now you have many." Gemma recited her words back to her again, "You Humans rely too much on words and their literal meanings. I would have thought that the last few days would have helped you move beyond that hindrance." Gemma gestured with her hands towards the vampire.  
  
"Meaning??" Buffy asked the being.  
  
"You have seen beyond the internal demon, and found the spirit that lies inside. You have seen beyond the darkness that lies within, and learned that despite everything it can love and feel. You are moving beyond any damage that it may have inflicted on you, and you on it."  
  
"Hey, 'it' has a name you know!" Spike spoke quietly.  
  
"Yes I know that, but it is not that simple. Buffy you must move further than you have, a hard task lies before you, and you will require help. Help of a true Champion, one who will fight with, and for you, but one that you must totally accept."  
  
"Meaning what? Spike is my Champion, he's proven it over and over again. Wasn't letting himself be sacrificed on your alter to kill the Legions of The First enough?" Buffy commented.  
  
"I am talking about truly accepting him." Gemma replied.  
  
"I don't understand?"  
  
"You have accepted the man he has become, but have you truly accepted the demon?"  
  
"I......I.." Buffy flagged in her reply, she just didn't understand, with everything that had happened lately it was just too much. The fact that the entity before expected her to go into battle with The Powers, was enough to make her head spin and she just didn't need any more complications.  
  
"I cannot explain this to you, only you can work this out for yourself. It is through working it out for yourself, that you will truly accept your Champion." Gemma moved around the table, closer to the couple. "You must understand that we are the sum of all our damage, and it takes great courage to move beyond that concept. To see that we are the total of all our experiences, whether it is inflicted by us or on us. That is why you must move forward even more, take control of the Slayer line, before they do, or it will be lost forever and they will control it."  
  
"Huhhhhhh?" Buffy asked bewildered and confused.  
  
"Sod it! You sought it out! We want nothin to do with it!" Spike took Buffy's hand, and attempted to walk her away from the table.  
  
"The Powers That Be want it back. They want to control the Slayer Line again, you destroyed their power base when you last came here and killed the Elders of the Slayer Line. If you don't take control, then The Powers will, and use it to take back what they think is rightfully theirs!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"The Human Race."  
  
"But?"  
  
"They have already activated the others, in hope to find another leader to take your place. One they can persuade, and control to their will. Why do you think there was so much unrest before your battle with The Legions of the First Evil ?"  
  
Buffy stood down from her stance, and looked at the being before her, some of what she said made sense, but inside she knew some of it to sound true, but why? It took only a moment of reflection to answer her own question.  
  
"To weed out the weak one's, ones that would follow, and ones that would lead."  
  
"Exactly." Gemma smiled at her, she finally understood, "It is your right and place to take control of the Line. You are more than you were meant to be!"  
  
"You said that our paths are crossed. What do you mean?" Buffy asked of her.  
  
"Some of the older members of the Council will not leave and we cannot remove them..." Gemma started, but was interrupted by Spike.  
  
"Members of what Council?"  
  
"The Power is actually a body of different entities, that before even the formation of a single microbe on this planet, fought the 'darkness', fought for their freedom and liberty from others domination. A Council was formed to keep the balance of Power." Gemma looked onto the floor and refused to look up, "Until the scales were tipped, upon your return to this earth."  
  
"Bloody hell! Consequences." Spike still spoke quietly. "I....they knew that there'd be consequences! But not this ....never this."  
  
"It wasn't the only thing, time has caused memories to be forgotten, they now do as they please! They have become greedy, they now wish to dominate everything, rule everything and they would do anything to get it!"  
  
"And your role in this?" Buffy asked of her.  
  
"Not all of us are like that! The Powers have tried to gain power through other means. They failed. A civil war has erupted, fighting within the ranks is rife, and some of us, like myself will do anything to stop them. Even come here to you. Help you take the reigns of the Line before it's too late.............before it's too late for us all."  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Willow called Angel as soon as the trio of herself, Dawn and Xander, had returned to the hotel they had been staying at since the destruction of The First. She had done everything that she could, tried every spell she could think of, and had looked at every book that she could get her hands on. They had nowhere else to turn, in truth Willow hoped that maybe Wesley had something she didn't, or that Angel may have a contact that could help them out. The conversation between herself and Angel, had been quick and straight to the point. Buffy's remains couldn't be found. This had prompted Angel to make a decision to come out himself, and help in the search. None of them aware of his change in position in the scheme of things, mainly his becoming the head of Wolfram and Hart, and the whole new resources he had at his finger tips.  
  
"When's he coming?" Dawn asked Willow, as she put the phone down, as she listened to the conversation between the two.  
  
"Tonight it would seem." A look of surprise covered Willow's face, laced with concern and dread.  
  
"What Willow?" Xander could read his friend of many years, he just knew something was wrong.  
  
"It's odd, but I called Angel Investigations only to be answered by someone at 'Wolfram and Hart'. I'm not sure, but I think I remember Wesley once mentioning them as 'the agents of evil', as I think he put it." Willow shook her head, unsure about this turn of events.  
  
"Agents of Evil?" Dawn questioned her, "What's that supposed to mean? But with Angel who knows?"  
  
Willow just shrugged her shoulders, "At this point I don't really care. If they can help thats all that matters. Are we agreed?"  
  
"Yeah, just what we need 'dead boy's' help!", Xander looked at Willow with doubt in his eyes.  
  
"Can you think of anything better?" Willow questioned him.  
  
"No. So it's the 'undead' to the rescue!" Xander replied.  
  
"I don't care who or what does the job, as long as it's done !", Dawn's voice was so quiet, that it was barely heard by them, the blank look in her face, showed the isolating wall that she was beginning to build, to shield herself from the world around her.  
  
"We'll find her Dawnie. Don't worry about it." Willow went to comfort the teen, only to have her jump up and run past the two, trying to avoid either person. Opening the door, she ran out with streaks of tears running down her face, slamming the door behind in her wake. Her despair not missed by either two, it was so bluntly obvious.  
  
"Well at least we didn't ring 'Captain Cardboard'!" Xander looked at Willow, "What?" His sense of humour always had such perfect timing, "What did I say now?"  
  
"'Captain Cardboard', that's what Spike called Riley."  
  
"And......" Xander losing the plot of this converstation.  
  
"If, and just if we find Buffy's remains. Will Spike's be there as well?"  
  
"Does it matter? His dust in the wind." Xander's dislike for the vamp rang in his words, he'd still never had forgiven Spike for what he had done to Buffy, and most importantly for sleeping with Anya.  
  
"Xander it does matter! He did what he did, but he would have died for her! Done anything for her!" Willow chided her friend, and reminded him, "He also would have done the same for Dawn, and I don't know why, but for any of us I think."  
  
"Willow, come on please!"  
  
"No Xander! When will you finally accept the fact that, he changed. Spike changed for Buffy! He turned his back on everything he was, and tried to become more of a man. He would have died for any of us, even you"  
  
"When did you come all 'Forgivey Willow' ?"  
  
"Let's say that when I was all post 'Veiny Willow', I had a new perspective on the world, and trying to be all 'Redemption Willow', has opened my eyes a bit", Willow looked seriously at her friend, "We only have each other Xander, and we have to make it all count! Even Spike!"  
  
Xander moved to sit down at the table in the hotel room, Willow had never really ever brought up the fact that she'd tried to bring on the next apocalypse, and knew that she was serious, and in a way made some sense. He had his own battles to fight within himself, he'd forgiven Anya for her little escapade with the vampire, but he just didn't know if he could forgive Spike, for all the damage that he'd brought onto Buffy. Yet it was clear to all in the last few months of their life that Buffy had learned to move on, and focus on the here and now. Maybe, just maybe, he needed to take a leaf out of her book, and move forward with his own life. As much as Spike needed to be staked before his 'I've got a soul now' show, Xander conceded that he'd changed a little for the better, and if a walking corpse can, than so could he.  
  
*********************************************  
  
Angel pulled up to the cheap motel, just before dusk, letting himself out of the limousine, he dismissed the demon driving the car. "I'll call when I'm ready." He stood and looked at the budget accommodation that the Watcher had marched his little soldier's into, shaking his head, he thought '~these girls deserve more~', even though some had fought with their last breath, and the rest ended here in a cheap nasty motel, in a cheap nasty town.  
  
In a way it had seemed quiet unfitting, they had sacrificed their leader, rather than stay until the bitter end. Even though reflected in those thoughts, he could feel his consequence scream at him, '~who was the bitter one here? ~', it was obvious even to him. He'd lost so much in the last few months, one of his dearest friends, his first love, and his compassion somewhere along the way. 


	10. Damaged Defeat

***Chapter Nine***  
  
**Damaged Defeat**  
  
Gemma departed in the way she arrived, a dust storm. She had disappeared as quickly as she had appeared. Her arrival put a new angle on everything, it explained some things, but as usual in a Slayers life there were always more questions than answers. However, they had to deal with the here and now, the last few hours still didn't make clear why they were there, and why they had been spared from a fiery death. Most of what Gemma had said made sense, but how far they could trust her was another question. More questions were the last thing that either wanted, or needed.  
  
"Rather an enlightening conversation I'd say." Spike was the first to comment on the events.  
  
"Most enlightening, but what the hell did it mean?"  
  
"Which part?" Spike asked her.  
  
"Take your pick of the bunch."  
  
"Well what about the most obvious luv. The bit about you becoming the First Slayer, or whatever the bint meant."  
  
"If it involves becoming like the original, I'm definitely not interested in the job vacancy." Buffy spoke with hard undertones in her voice. "If it means taking control of the Line from the Council, then that's a job I'd take great pleasure in doing!"  
  
"And may I ask how in bloody hell are you expected to do that?" Spike replied.  
  
"I don't know, but if I have to I will, by any means."  
  
"Now that's how I like my girl to talk." Spike moved behind her, putting his arms around her.  
  
"A Hero and her Champion. You're in this as well, you know! No backing out now!" Buffy put her arms around his encircling arms, she realised just what an anchor of support and love he'd become to her over the last few months. If this was part of his redemption, then she would do everything she could to help him regain as much of his humanity as she could. "What do you think she meant when she said I'd hadn't truly accepted my Champion?"  
  
"I'm not sure sweetheart." Spike quietly replied to her question, but Buffy could feel the tension immediately strain his body, as she had said the words. She knew that maybe he did know, but just wasn't ready to share it. Funnily, if this had happened a year ago she just would have beaten it out of him, and then probably fucked his brains out to make it up to him. However, that was then and this was now, which meant part of that 'now' was trusting him, that he would tell her when he was ready.  
  
"What about the part of being patient, I suppose I'll just have to take a number and wait." Buffy tightened her hold on him.  
  
"They say patience is a virtue you know." Spike muffled through her hair, as he placed a kiss on her head.  
  
"Virtuous! You! Ha, tell me another one!" Buffy broke out into deep howling laughter.  
  
"Never had any complaints from you love, on my virtue or lack of it!" Spike took the opportunity to change the mood and direction of the conversation. If they hadn't already had a bad day, he wanted to distract her, if only for a little while, and deepen their new relationship. So taking matters into his own hands, he went about seducing his girl.  
  
Picking her up, he carried her through the room and proceeded to dump her onto the bed. Spike moved so quickly it was just a blur to Buffy, he straddled her at the waist, leaning over her he bent down and began his gentle art of foreplay. He persuaded her to open her mouth to his own and began to kiss her lips, lightly pressing his own to hers, darting his tongue out at times, and teasing her own as their kiss deepened. Spike took his weight onto his forearms as he melded his own hands to hers, locking them together. Buffy could feel the cool touch of his flesh penetrate her growing warmth, her own skin giving rise to his, the contrasting body temperatures moulding as they burned together.  
  
Slowly, as they lingered over each other, the tempo of their joining rose to a higher pitch of need and want. It moved into a greater fevered encounter of longing to consume each other. He took the front of her gown and gripping the edge's he slowly tore the fabric down the middle in two. Buffy shuddered as her lover moved his hands back to her bared breasts, he massaged the two mounds within his hands, his eye's connecting with hers demonstrating the love and lust that they contained within them. Gently he enfolded them with his hands, sending tingles of delight along Buffy's nerves, causing her nipples to peak in response to his touch. Arching his back forward, he took one of the peaks into his mouth, he suckled the flesh, drawing it up into his mouth as he made claim to it, gently biting on her. Not content with this, Buffy lay her hands on his head, applying pressure she guided his head to her other breast, she wanted to feel him all over her body, one place wasn't enough for her, she felt a hunger for him that was intense, and she wanted more.  
  
Spike complied with her silent request, he could taste the hunger of his lover as she moaned and shuddered with each stroke of his tongue. Slowly he made his way down her body, he tasted her skin with his lips as his tongue slid along the flesh, until he reached the apex of her mound, which he outlined with the tip of one of his fingers. Not being able to stand the intensity of her feelings she turned the tables on him, she swiftly bucked him off her body, slamming him onto his back. She grabbed the top of his pants that hung on his lean hips, and let her fingers invade the waistband. She hung her thumbs out on the outside of the rough fabrics, and slid her hands around the fabric until they joined in the middle, just above his zipper. Moving above him this time she straddled him, rising above him she took the button that held the top of his pants together, she felt the cool metal under her thumb as she encircled it with her finger. Buffy looked at Spike, as he struggled for breath, caught up in the anticipation of her releasing him from the tight confines of his pants.  
  
"Buffy, undo them."  
  
Spike spoke in a hushed voice, as he verbalised what he wanted from her, his blue eye's shone with pleading. He needed to feel her make the connection with him, he craved it, he needed her to release him. Bit by bit she pulled the material away from the button, pulling apart the fabric, continuing her excruciatingly slow movements. Slowly she pulled the zip down. She ran her hand, inside the fabric, smoothing her fingers over his pelvic bone, she hooked her thumbs in the side of his pants, as she pulled them down.  
  
"Lift." The single word was uttered, and he immediately complied with her request. She pushed them down until they reached his knees, and lay herself over him, sliding over him until they lay hip to hip, shoulder to shoulder. She could feel his raging erection pressed flat against her mound. Teasing him, she pulled her knees up while still laying over him, her toes entwined in his pants she pulled them the rest of the way down, until they slid off his feet. As she removed them his flesh sprang between her open legs, settling in between her moistened flesh, causing it to slide in between her folds. An unmistakable moan could be heard escaping his lips, as his flesh was encased by the warmth and moisture that seeped from her body. She could sense his delight in her provocation, and continued to rock her body backwards and forwards. Enabling the rise in her own pleasure he slid over her clit, causing tight sensations of pleasure to build in her body, bringing her closer to nirvana.  
  
She felt his abdominal muscles contract and tighten, in sequence with her movements. She slowed down her rocking motion and slid her body downwards, never taking her eyes off him, she stopped just above his groin. Taking his hardened shaft between her hands, she slowly began to rub the wet flesh between her fingers, fluctuating the pressure that she placed upon it. She bent her head slowly enfolding him in her mouth, tasting the tip of him and running her tongue along the ridge, in tight little circles, that were making him unable to think or concentrate beyond the here and now. Slowly she built up the pressure her mouth was placing on his flesh, and traced the vessels that jagged his skin, as she felt him shudder under her mouth.  
  
Spike watched on as she gave him one of his favourite types of kisses, he looked on as her head bobbed below him, fascinated and captivated with her movements. Unable to stand it for much longer, he entwined his hands in her hair, placing them around her skull he motioned for her to stop. She pulled her head away from him and looked at him, Spike bent down and kissed her passionately on the mouth, before he pulled her back to lay flush with him once again. He rolled her over, this time it was his turn to taste her intimate flesh. Before she could say a word, or take a breath, he lay on top of her. He moved between her legs, pulling at her knees as he slid down her flesh, pulling them to a bent position. He opened her moist flesh with the tips of his fingers, and allowed his tongue to find it ways amongst the folds. He teased the bud that he found and suckled it as he did her breasts, torturing the tip with his tongue and tasting the flood of her body. Gently he probed her with his fingers, brushing her inner walls and feeling them contract in need for more of his touch. He gave her what she craved as he moved his mouth in tune with his fingers, causing the coil within her to tighten with each sweep of his flesh against hers.  
  
Unable to contain her need for release anymore, she screamed out her pleasure as she came. Spike continued to dispense a devastating orgasm to her, he dragged it out for as long as he could. Feeling her muscles begin to relax, he glided himself back up to her torso, and rolled them over. Taking the dominant position, Buffy straddled herself over his shaft, guiding it into her she allowed her body to slowly engulf him. She shallowly rocked herself up and down, rotating her hips to expose as much of him as she could to her inner walls. Slowly she deepened her thrusts, swallowing up all of him to his base, breathing in and out with every rise and fall of her body. Spike grabbed her hips, encouraging her with his hands to quicken her pace. He pushed his own hips up to drive himself even deeper into her body as they moved together, colliding flesh upon flesh as they devoured each other within the heat of their fervour.  
  
Closer and closer they drove each other to the edge. Spike placed his thumb over her clit, and strummed her into another obliterating orgasm which consumed her. Spike followed her into the deep abyss that now surrounded them. He felt her muscles contract and flutter around her, as he allowed himself the release hr sought. Buffy felt the moment Spike let himself go, she felt her warmth flooded with a cool sensation that was totally him.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Angel walked into the foyer of the motel where the group of Slayers now called home, he looked around to see the filth of the room in which he stood. Memories flooded his mind of places he once called home, many worse than this, and many better depending on his financial situation at the time. Being homeless, or 'lost' as he would have rather called it, made this place seem like a palace to him. He shook the memory from his mind, reminiscing was not why he was here, and he new better than to try and remember what his life once was. It was all different now, for better or worse.  
  
Stepping up to the front desk he laid his arms on the desk, the woman that sat behind the desk continued to watch the soap opera playing on the T.V. She clearly wasn't interested in the potential customer that stood in front of her. Angel sharply hit the bell that sat before her. She turned her head to observe the male standing in front of her, Passing her glance up and down, sizing him up. Not perturbed Angel stared at the woman with blank look not wanting to give anything away.  
  
"You wanna room?"  
  
"In this fine establishment, no." Angel leaned into the desk, "I'm looking for some acquaintances of mine, man late 40's glasses, brown hair, about so high", Angel lifted his hand to indicate Giles height, "Younger people, red haired woman..."  
  
"Look's like he's got his head stuck in a book?"  
  
"The older one?" The clerk nodded her head. "What about the woman?"  
  
"What, run out on you did she?" the clerk asked Angel.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Redhead? Silly girl! Look like you could show a girl a good time?" The smirk on the woman's face was so loud, that Angel just wanted to wipe it from her face.  
  
"Where is she?" The tone in Angel's voice broke any aspirations that the hotel clerk may have held out for the man in front of her.  
  
"Okay, mister!! Just don't want any trouble! You break something you pay for it, you understand!" She quickly retreated further behind the desk. "She's in 26, but she's sharing with a girl, so don't stress alright!"  
  
Angel quickly vacated the office, and moved towards the room that the clerk said that Willow would be in. He had no desire to confront the Watcher yet, he was more likely to rip his heart out and make a meal of him, than sit and rationally listen to the man. Stopping in front of a faded red door with two rusted numbers that resembled 26, Angel knocked. He was confronted by a well-built brunette. Immediately his vamp sense went off alerting him to the presence of a Slayer. He took a step back as he could see that she was having the same reaction to him. Jerking herself to the side of the door she quickly found her weapon of choice, a sword. Lifting up her arms she put herself in an attack stance, Angel couldn't believe his luck, he'd come here to help find a Slayer, only to be confronted by the next generation. That story was getting old and tired!  
  
Fortunately Willow came out of the bathroom to find her girlfriend, with a sword between her hands, looking like she was just about to decapitate her only chance of finding Buffy's remains. "Kennedy! No!" Willow cried out behind her, grabbing the sword from Kennedy, she disarmed the girl, "Angel, go see Giles, he's next door!"  
  
"So you're Angelus?" Kennedy couldn't help but ask the obvious.  
  
"Sometimes." His answer drew a questioning 'Don't tell her' from Willow.  
  
Willow pointed in the direction of the door on the left, and promptly slammed the door. Angel stood alone on the concrete in a crappy motel, in a crappy town, he didn't really want to help these people, they'd never done him any favours. The only thing that made him come was Buffy, no other reason. Taking the hint from Willow he moved along to the next room, knocking on the door he waited for a while, and knocked again, this time the door opened to find a very worn out looking Giles, badly needing a shave, and hair cut.  
  
"Gee Giles's my man, you're looking well! Training the new Slayer's keeping you in shape then?" Angel just couldn't help himself, Giles looked like shit, and he couldn't stop himself at having a dig at the man for old times sake.  
  
"Very funny Angel!" Giles moved back further into the room, opening the door wider so as to let the vampire in, "Oh yes, come in. I suppose."  
  
"Don't need an invite Giles's you should know that! Getting sloppy in your old age then?"  
  
"No Angel, he isn't and neither am I!" Willow made her presence known to the two men.  
  
"So I hear. Quite the strong witch these days, or so I hear. Or should I say remember?" Angel let out a small laugh. "But enough veiled threats. Let's get down to the reason I'm here instead of L.A. doing my paying job."  
  
Giles moved over to his cupboard and removed two glasses. Taking a cheap bottle of whiskey in the other hand, he poured two large shots of the drink. He handed one to Angel, nodding his head, he took the drink, and sat down on one of the old chairs that surrounded the double bed in the room, for what would appear to be a bonding session with the man. Willow took a seat next to Angel, and if anything put herself forward as a barrier between the men should anything happen, and Angel appeared to be in a right mood.  
  
"So you can't find Buffy?" Angel asked the obvious question.  
  
"No, not a trace. I've tried everything!" Willow answered for them both.  
  
"Tried what?" Angel asked.  
  
"Everything I could think of, and tried everything that I could get my hands on." Willow looked down at her shoes, she felt like a failure, despite trying everything.  
  
Angel just sat there, looking from Willow to Giles, both seemed so out of their depth on this one, which was something he'd rarely seen, since he'd known them both. He took the glass and threw the contents down his throat. Not even giving a grimace to its cheap, ghastly taste, even the pigs blood he fed on tasted better.  
  
"What do you expect me to do?" Angel asked them both.  
  
"I thought that was plain enough Angel. Help us find Buffy's remains, so we can give the girl a decent burial." Giles spoke, his voice thick with regret and sorrow for the young woman-pseudo daughter he'd lost.  
  
"I don't know how you except me to help, especially when you tell me Sunnydale is now just a big hole in the ground." Angel put his glass out to Giles for more of the whiskey, "If Buffy got buried or burnt in the fireball, what makes you think that there'd be anything left?"  
  
"That's what we don't know. Can we find something of Buffy to bury? We need to for Dawn." Willow pulled a face as Giles poured both of them another drink, she'd watched Giles begin to drink too much, "Well maybe just not for just Dawn, but the rest of us too."  
  
"And you need me to do it."  
  
"Yes!" The reply from Giles was quick and straight to the point. "Can you? Or should I say will you?"  
  
Angel sat back into the chair that was biting into his back, he felt the bile rising to his throat, in response to what they were asking. It meant that he had to use his resources at Wolfram and Hart, which could bury him deeper into their axis of control, but it needed to be done. Taking out his mobile phone he dialled the office, waiting for the phone to be picked up he,placed the empty glass on the floor, and walked to the window, he looked out and watched as the neon sign with the motels name flickered.  
  
"Eve," Angel pulled back the curtain further to watch the people in the car park move about, "Yes, I know I'll be back soon. Is Wesley there?" Angel paused in his conversation, "Wesley, I need you to do something?" Another pause. "We need to find Buffy?................Yes I know she's dead.......But I need to locate the remains.....Can we is the question?......................Who?............Oh.....No, no....Okay are you sure?....................When?......................Okay do it!"  
  
Willow and Giles watched on as Angel had his back to them, he appeared to be organising his resources to aid in their search. Angel flipped the cover on his phone, effectively cutting off the conversation. It was clear from the look of disapproval on his face he wasn't happy.  
  
"Can you help?" Willow dreaded to ask what need to be asked.  
  
'Yes I can, but it won't be easy, and it may mean doing things my way." Angel looked at Giles, drowning out any hope that he would lead the search for Buffy. "You may also not like the way I'm going to do it, but it must be done, my way or no way."  
  
"I think that we can live with that can't we Giles?" Willow stood up besides Angel, "What do you need for us to do Angel?"  
  
"Not get involved!"  
  
"May I ask why not?" Willow asked Angel, she'd do anything to help, anything to find her friend for her sister.  
  
"Because these people are out of your league Willow, and they are dangerous." Angel spoke softly, just above an audible level  
  
"You mean Dark Magik," Willow swallowed the fear that had lodged in her throat.  
  
"Yes"  
  
Giles didn't even bother to question how, or when, or why Angel had contact with these people. He didn't even protest the use of dark powers to find Buffy, the only thing that mattered to him was finding her, and he would not stand in Angel's way.  
  
He was a defeated man and he knew it. 


	11. Claimed Damage

Chapter Ten  
  
Claim of Damage  
  
It seemed such a short time that Buffy and Spike had been in the place of the First Slayer, time had no meaning, they weren't even sure if time even existed where they were. Yet it was beginning to plague both of their thoughts. As pleasantly as they passed the time, the truth of the matter was that they had to get out there, they had to find away home. Even if it meant going through the hoards of the Power's and the First Slayer herself, they had to get out of there.  
  
Buffy watched Spike as he slept on their bed, the sheet covering his sleeping form. She watched him just laying there, not taking a single breath within his lifeless body. She thought more on Gemma's words about 'accepting the man Spike has become, but having to truly accepted the demon?' as well, before he would truly be her champion. She would have thought that the last few months had proven that she'd accepted all that he was, and had been in the past. Spike had proven himself worthy of the title of champion with his self-sacrifice. What else were they demanding from him? Most importantly what were they demanding from her to truly accept him? Buffy had an immense feeling that Spike had an idea what they meant, but he wasn't willing to share it with her.  
  
She couldn't decide whether he was holding back, because she wouldn't do what was needed, or just couldn't. Yet how could she know if she couldn't, if he didn't want to share. The vampire that lay in the bed had many secrets within him, many she was sure that she didn't want to know, but this one she did. Making her way back to the bed, she pulled the dividing curtain back and sat on her side of the bed, it dipped under her weight. Her lover rolled over to her side, his arm shot out grappling to find her in what he thought was sleep. Realising she wasn't under his arm, he quickly awoke to find her perched on her side of the bed, her eyes filled with concern and worry.  
  
"Come back to bed, Luv." Spike pulled the linen up, to try and persuade her back beneath them.  
  
"I can't. Too many thoughts."  
  
"About what?" Spike tilted his head to the side, in questioning response.  
  
"What Gemma said about us?"  
  
"Us?"  
  
"Yeah, the 'I have to accept the demon and the man, for you to truly be my champion'."  
  
"Oh that bit?" Spike looked away from her line of sight, not willing to meet her stare, a typical sign that he was hiding something, usually something big.  
  
"Spike!"  
  
"Please luv, don't ask me! I don't think that you'd like what I have to say." Spike's voice trailed off from the sentence, his voice couldn't hide his inclination to answer her.  
  
"Is it that bad?"  
  
"Depends on your perspective luv."  
  
"Does it include puppies or kittens?"  
  
"No." Spike laughter filled her ears at her response to his answer.  
  
"Will it mean one of us doing some silly dance or ritual?"  
  
Spike stayed silent, he pulled away from her slightly to rest his back on the headboard of the bed. He pursed his lips together, as he bit the inner flesh of his lips with his teeth, he clearly didn't want to comment on any aspect of her question.  
  
"Come on Spike! Spill!"  
  
"Buffy, it's serious! More than you can imagine, and probably more than you could ever give of yourself to another person."  
  
"Riddles! Stop with the bloody riddles!" Buffy scooted up the bed and straddled him over his hips, "Just say it Spike!"  
  
"I think Gemma meant for you to truly accept me.that you.that I would have to..." Spike stumbled over his words; he just couldn't find the right words to say what he meant to tell her.  
  
"Can you say it in five words or less? Would that be simpler?"  
  
"I don't need five words luv."  
  
"Then how many?"  
  
"One."  
  
"And that being?"  
  
"Claim." Silence spilled into the cavern in reply to Spike's single utterance, Buffy looked stunned, but not too shocked at the revelation Spike had just released.  
  
"As in bite me claim? Share blood claim? I'm gonna have a big scar claim?" Buffy hesitantly asked the vampire.  
  
"Yes Buffy, as in making it clear to the world, that 'you belong to me' claim!"  
  
Spike watched as Buffy swallowed the information down, he could see the thought of a claim by him whirl around in her head. The fear that she would flatly reject him haunted his mind, this was a twist in the tale that he never would have expected. It was something that later on down, a long time down, that Spike may have asked Buffy to do, but not so early into their relationship. Spike had a feeling that it only would have made her flip out, and scare her away, but for him it was the ultimate sign of love and commitment that one can show towards their lover in the vamp world. Even despite her being a human, it was only a minor exchange of blood for both of them, and would never lead to a thrall, or him ever imposing his will onto her like a childe.  
  
"I don't know Spike, but if it means.oh god...I don't know?"  
  
"You don't have to sweetheart."  
  
"But Gemma?"  
  
"I'd never get you to do anything that you didn't want to Buffy," Spike turned away from her, "It won't work if either partner is unsure, you both have to give free consent to each other, or it doesn't work."  
  
"Spike it doesn't mean that I care any less for you."  
  
Spike remained silent, he didn't know what to say, he knew that in a way she wasn't rejecting him, just the ritual, but it was the one ritual that meant everything to him. It represented, he hoped over time, her recognition of him totally as he was, a demon and a man. As Buffy said the words he could feel his heartstrings pull, they pained at her response, he could understand her reluctance, but it still struck him deep inside. Once again, he felt like she was rejecting his demon, when funnily enough she revelled in it once.  
  
Buffy couldn't help but see the disappointment on his face, she knew that it probably meant a lot to him, and would represent the final acceptance of him. Yet it was something she just couldn't feel totally comfortable with, it was more the fear of doing it, than what it actually meant. If there was some other way then maybe she would do it, but she knew there was no other way. Leaning into him she put her arms around him, gently placing a kiss on his lips, she tried to reassure him of her commitment to him, to show that she did love him.  
  
"Is there another way Spike? Surely there has to be."  
  
"No Buffy, there isn't. It's the only way that we can, words aren't enough." Spike looked at her with a flash of regret in his eyes, "Maybe they're enough in the human world, but in the vamp world, it's shown by the mark that defines you as mine."  
  
"But what about the scars left by Angel, you know when he was poisoned?" Buffy unconsciously raised her hand, and rubbed the spot where Angel had bitten her.  
  
"They cancel them out and heal leaving my mark instead!" Spike moved his hand and covered her hand with is, "My claim!"  
  
"It's too much to ask at the moment Spike," Buffy replied, "Just too much and too early."  
  
"Don't you think I know that." Spike kissed her check, "But I want it, and you have to want it too! I won't ask you to do something that you don't want to do!"  
  
"You never asked or tried when we where together before, why?" Buffy asked him.  
  
"Because I knew I'd get the same response you're giving me now, and probably another broken nose to go with it!"  
  
Buffy looked at her lover, "At least this time I promise no broken noses! I can't promise you that I will ever go through with it, but that doesn't mean that I never will."  
  
"Are you saying maybe one day?"  
  
"Maybe Spike, maybe," Buffy kissed him again with more passion and need, intensifying the heat between them, "Never say never."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N Thanks to Darcy and Kirsty for a great beta job once again...and thanks for being such a great support of my fic and better yet great friends..summer's coming!!! 


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